ugh

I woke up this morning with cramps.  I started crying and basically freaking out.  For all of my past transfers, I had cramps at some point.  I think they happened later in the cycle, but since I didn't keep track, I could be completely wrong.  There was no point in even calling my doctor.  All they would say is if it gets bad, take one regular strengthg tylenol.  It is what it is.  Nothing's going to change it.  I do, however, realize that freaking about it certainly won't help the situation.  I need to stay calm and stress-free.  (ha)  The cramps came and went throughout the day, almost in waves at times.  I had a few really good cramps, but the rest were managable.  So, I'm kind of an idiot about this "achiness" I've been having.  I think I was sore and achey from the heparin.  When I saw my stomach this morning and how it's all bruised up, it hit me like a tone of bricks.  Perhaps that's the achiness.  (I've never been accused of being the brightest bulb on the tree.)

I just want to be pregnant more than anything.  To be this close, once again, and have it yanked away from me (right before Christmas, mind you) will be a devastating blow that I pray to God I don't have to deal with.  I'm still thinking positive thoughts.  I'm still going for acupuncture and doing everything else that I'm advised to do.  It's out of my hands right now.