We're really struggling as a one income family. I received in the mail the letter of intent for the upcoming school year. I have to let my principal know by March 1st if I'll be returning to school in the fall, or if I'm resigning. If I had to go back to work, my mom would retire and stay with the babies. She's only going to work one more school year anyway, so she'd just go out a year earlier than planned. I know without a shadow of a doubt that Gabriella and Benjamin would be in the best care imaginable, in my absense, of course. It will just break my heart to leave my babies. It would absolutely crush me. But we need money. I need to figure something out. I can not go back to work full time during the day. As a teacher, it's not like the work stays at school and you punch the clock from 9-5 like other jobs. You get there an hour early and stay late, bring bags of papers home, have committee meetings, etc.
I've been working on some wreaths and plan on approaching a local craft store, Brady's Craft Mart, this week. It's kind of like a small scale walk-in Etsy, local arts and crafts. I already spoke with them over the phone. To rent a space there for a 6 month contract I have to have my work juried in, or approved, by the owner. She has to think the work is marketable in this area and priced appropriately.
I've been making some yarn wrapped wreaths with lace and felt flowers. The concept is all over pinterest and etsy. I'll post pictures at some point. I'm hoping this is something that I can do, from the comforts of home, when my babies are sleeping, to bring in some cash. Yup, I want to have my cake and eat it too. It's so scary to think about... material, supplies, 6 months rent, it's a risk up front. What if my wreaths flop? I enjoy making them, but I'm not quite sure that they are a product I love. But I suppose, if they sell and help solve my problem, I can learn to love them.
I'm also working on getting my grandma's old sewing machine up and running. Maybe I can figure out how to sew something adorable and original, something that everyone will love and want to have. I'm not looking to make a fortune, just enough to help us bring in our bottom line and allow me the opportunity to continue being a stay at home mommy. Being a mommy is all I've ever wanted and it was a long hard road getting here. I can not emphasize enough what would happen to me if I have to leave my babies and work full time next school year. My heart and chest hurt even thinking about it.
Showing posts with label work. Show all posts
Showing posts with label work. Show all posts
Monday, February 6, 2012
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
shut up stupid brain
Dear stupid brain,
Why do you wait until I'm trying to sleep to start working for the day? Why do you take that opportunity to think and over-think every little detail of my life? Why do you make me relive moments that I'd rather put behind me? Why am I dwelling on the stupid maternal fetal doctor that was mean to me BOTH times I was admitted to the hospital? All I keep thinking is I should have handled the situations with Dr. Suarez differently. I wish I had the gumption to have kicked him out of my room. But I guess, ultimately, my own feelings and emotions and pride was put aside for my babies. Do what you want, say what you want to me, but just let me know my babies are ok... perhaps this was why I dealt with him like I did.
But seriously, I'd like to go to sleep since my babies are both sleeping (for a few hours already). Please turn off brain. I'll pick up all of my worries in the morning. I promise I'll resume right where I'm leaving off. I'll worry about money and bills. I'll worry about keeping my babies safe and healthy. I'll feel anxious and cry about the thought of something happening to me and my babies not remembering much about me. I'll try to think of a way to make money without returning to work full time. I'll beat myself up for not being a better housewife and keeping up with chores. I'll regret the peanut M&Ms I devoured tonight and berate myself for not having more self-control. I'll pick all of it, and more, right back up in the morning. Just let me rest peacefully now.
Thanks in advance for your cooperation.
Why do you wait until I'm trying to sleep to start working for the day? Why do you take that opportunity to think and over-think every little detail of my life? Why do you make me relive moments that I'd rather put behind me? Why am I dwelling on the stupid maternal fetal doctor that was mean to me BOTH times I was admitted to the hospital? All I keep thinking is I should have handled the situations with Dr. Suarez differently. I wish I had the gumption to have kicked him out of my room. But I guess, ultimately, my own feelings and emotions and pride was put aside for my babies. Do what you want, say what you want to me, but just let me know my babies are ok... perhaps this was why I dealt with him like I did.
But seriously, I'd like to go to sleep since my babies are both sleeping (for a few hours already). Please turn off brain. I'll pick up all of my worries in the morning. I promise I'll resume right where I'm leaving off. I'll worry about money and bills. I'll worry about keeping my babies safe and healthy. I'll feel anxious and cry about the thought of something happening to me and my babies not remembering much about me. I'll try to think of a way to make money without returning to work full time. I'll beat myself up for not being a better housewife and keeping up with chores. I'll regret the peanut M&Ms I devoured tonight and berate myself for not having more self-control. I'll pick all of it, and more, right back up in the morning. Just let me rest peacefully now.
Thanks in advance for your cooperation.
Friday, April 22, 2011
School's Out!
Yesterday was my last day of work! Today, technically, starts my spring break, but since my doctors do not want me working past 24 weeks (which is Tuesday) it's much more than spring break. As long as everything is going well with the babies, I'll be up at school for a half day to help with placements for next year and also at the end of May to do report cards and records. Of course I have to bring Jamie to schol to help me pack up my room and lug boxes at some point, but other than that I suppose I can say I'm now a stay at home mommy-to-be. It really hasn't sunk in yet, after all it's only day one, but just knowing that I don't have to work and can just rest and relax and grow healthy babies is a pretty great feeling.
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
tummy shot: 16 weeks and some interoffice mail
My headline says it all...
As a teacher, I don't get interoffice mail very often. When I do get it (or send it for that matter) it's between me and my friend Cindy and it makes my day! We both taught at my first school together, and both put in for transfers from there two years ago. We interoffice each other the big seasonal Reese's peanut butter cups (you know, the pumpkin, heart, or egg ones) and festive socks. She always got a kick out of my cute, festive footwear, and I got her hooked. So, yesterday at lunch I have a package in my mailbox. Here's it's contents:
 |
| 16 weeks |
 |
| As much as I love my tummy, I was not oogling it at the moment. Jamie commented that this shirt didn't show off my bump very well, so I was looking down to take a peek and he got snap happy. I just thought it ended up being a kinda cute shot- the decisive moment it was called in my college photography class, where Brooke and I met!! |
As a teacher, I don't get interoffice mail very often. When I do get it (or send it for that matter) it's between me and my friend Cindy and it makes my day! We both taught at my first school together, and both put in for transfers from there two years ago. We interoffice each other the big seasonal Reese's peanut butter cups (you know, the pumpkin, heart, or egg ones) and festive socks. She always got a kick out of my cute, festive footwear, and I got her hooked. So, yesterday at lunch I have a package in my mailbox. Here's it's contents:
 |
Saturday, February 26, 2011
not being able to sleep = random catch up time
Who knew that the quickest, most simple middle of the night bathroom break could cause me to be awake for hours? I mean, seriously... this is ridiculous. I woke up at 1:34 for a pee break, went right back to my comfy bed, and bam! One hour of tossing and turning later I decided to give up the fight and just mess around on the computer. Ugh. I just want to sleep; is that too much to ask?
It's official- I can feel my SnuggleBugs becoming WiggleWorms!!! I had felt a few little *things* here and there before, but I didn't want to go blabbing in case it was just digestion or a gas bubble. But since I have gotten the same sensations multiple times now- several times yesterday alone- I know it's my kiddos!
Tuesday's doctor's appointment: long story made short, I've had this low, front and center tugging (I hate to call it cramping because that sounds serious and painful, and what I felt was neither of those two things) that I mentioned to my school nurse at the end of last week, talked to my family doc about on Monday's blood pressure check (which was 110-76, thankyouverymuch), and to my ob on Tuesday. I also consulted two pregnant friends, Jamie, my mom, and Dr. Google. Apparently, my ob is very protective of me and did not like to hear this. He was a bit concerned that it could have indicated an issue with my cervix. So he called the Maternal Fetal Medicine place and had them squeeze me in. Excellent news, my cervix was measuring 35-36mm and was not funneling. The u/s tech also wanted to hear the babies heartbeats, so while I had emptied my bladder completely for the trans-vag u/s, I still got a quick peak at the babies! Their heartbeats were 149 and 154. =) Also, rewind back to the ob, I was measuring 19 weeks at my 15 week appointment- a full 4 weeks ahead.
There's been a bit of drama at work. One other girl and I are both up for tenure this year. She got riffed, I'm getting tenured, and have already received my letter granting me one year leave to be with my SnuggleBugs. I knew that there were going to be issues; it was just a matter of time. This week, said issues began. Another long story short is that she had inquired with the union how many days I have to work in the year to be tenured. She came at me really shitty after school to talk about it and inform me that I have to work at least 100 days to be tenured. "And with your fmla and all of the other days you took off before you were pregnant, you really need to watch it. You've missed a lot of work." So, that got me going. I've been super distant to her since then and have vented to a few work friends that were shocked (sort of, they know how she rolls) at her audacity. My whole thing is this: if she is ballsy enough to come to my face with this, what other maneuvering is being done that I don't know about? That's not a good feeling to walk around with. I know I'm golden for next year; that's not the issue. I just don't like snakes! The little "about me" blurb on my homepage says it all- I "would do anything for a friend. Just don't cross me because I have a hard time letting things go." I openly admit this, yet she chose to take the low road on her way out of town. And to boot, she had two terrible evaluations this year, has been reprimanded for her lack of classroom management and control for a long while now, and gossips to parents about private teacher issues regarding other students. She could have been dismissed instead of riffed, but I think they threw her a bone.
I think we're going to start registering this weekend. Jamie's been ready for a long while, but I've wanted to hold off a bit. Since I'm just shy of 16 weeks, I'm likely going to give in and let him begin. We need to research the big ticket items (strollers, car seats, high chairs, etc) a bit more, but the fun stuff can get scanned.
It's official- I can feel my SnuggleBugs becoming WiggleWorms!!! I had felt a few little *things* here and there before, but I didn't want to go blabbing in case it was just digestion or a gas bubble. But since I have gotten the same sensations multiple times now- several times yesterday alone- I know it's my kiddos!
Tuesday's doctor's appointment: long story made short, I've had this low, front and center tugging (I hate to call it cramping because that sounds serious and painful, and what I felt was neither of those two things) that I mentioned to my school nurse at the end of last week, talked to my family doc about on Monday's blood pressure check (which was 110-76, thankyouverymuch), and to my ob on Tuesday. I also consulted two pregnant friends, Jamie, my mom, and Dr. Google. Apparently, my ob is very protective of me and did not like to hear this. He was a bit concerned that it could have indicated an issue with my cervix. So he called the Maternal Fetal Medicine place and had them squeeze me in. Excellent news, my cervix was measuring 35-36mm and was not funneling. The u/s tech also wanted to hear the babies heartbeats, so while I had emptied my bladder completely for the trans-vag u/s, I still got a quick peak at the babies! Their heartbeats were 149 and 154. =) Also, rewind back to the ob, I was measuring 19 weeks at my 15 week appointment- a full 4 weeks ahead.
There's been a bit of drama at work. One other girl and I are both up for tenure this year. She got riffed, I'm getting tenured, and have already received my letter granting me one year leave to be with my SnuggleBugs. I knew that there were going to be issues; it was just a matter of time. This week, said issues began. Another long story short is that she had inquired with the union how many days I have to work in the year to be tenured. She came at me really shitty after school to talk about it and inform me that I have to work at least 100 days to be tenured. "And with your fmla and all of the other days you took off before you were pregnant, you really need to watch it. You've missed a lot of work." So, that got me going. I've been super distant to her since then and have vented to a few work friends that were shocked (sort of, they know how she rolls) at her audacity. My whole thing is this: if she is ballsy enough to come to my face with this, what other maneuvering is being done that I don't know about? That's not a good feeling to walk around with. I know I'm golden for next year; that's not the issue. I just don't like snakes! The little "about me" blurb on my homepage says it all- I "would do anything for a friend. Just don't cross me because I have a hard time letting things go." I openly admit this, yet she chose to take the low road on her way out of town. And to boot, she had two terrible evaluations this year, has been reprimanded for her lack of classroom management and control for a long while now, and gossips to parents about private teacher issues regarding other students. She could have been dismissed instead of riffed, but I think they threw her a bone.
I think we're going to start registering this weekend. Jamie's been ready for a long while, but I've wanted to hold off a bit. Since I'm just shy of 16 weeks, I'm likely going to give in and let him begin. We need to research the big ticket items (strollers, car seats, high chairs, etc) a bit more, but the fun stuff can get scanned.
Monday, February 7, 2011
heigh-ho, heigh-ho, back to work I go
Yup, that sums it all up. I returned to work today after almost 2 months off. I. am. exhausted. Plain and simple, that's all there is to it. I will be putting on my jammies and crawling into bed in the next half hour. If I fall asleep, I fall asleep, but the tv will be on. Put a fork in me, I'm done.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
can't sleep- blizzard and anxiety
So, I was a bit skeptical about the "storm of the century", SNOWtorious 2011, two feet of snow with 40 mph winds, but here I sit when I should be sleeping because of said winds. I always felt that being a weather man was the most perfect job; I mean seriously, what other profession could you go into every day and completely and utterly screw up, like be 100% wrong all of the time, and not get fired? I have yet to find one besides weatherman. Hey, it's not their fault when they're wrong; they don't control the weather; things change! Anyways, I'm wide awake because of the blizzard- and a few things that are on my mind.
Yesterday (Tuesday) I had my first ob appointment and my sequential screening. I forgot how long I always have to wait at my ob/gyn. It's been a few years since I had been there, as when I was beginning fertility treatments there really wasn't any need. My RE took care of yearly pap smears for me, so it worked out. Well, it was over an hour past my appointment time before my doctor came in. I was pretty hot about it, but once it was my turn to be seen, it all melted away. Let me begin by sharing with you that my RE's office failed to fax over any of my prenatals as I was promised they would last Thursday. I knew the doctor's dictation would take longer, but was assured everything else would be sent. They lied and received quite the phone call from me as soon as I left the ob. I did not see Dr. D like I had been scheduled, but rather Dr. F. I'm fine with either one, really, they are both just wonderful. Come to find out that they deliver 100% of their babies. 100%. They have never missed a birth. Part of the reason for such tardiness was because Dr.D was called to the hospital for a birth, and instead of cancelling all of us ob patients, Dr. F (who was covering gyn yesterday) tried his best to do the work of two men. Kudos!
He took sooo much time with me. I was probably being cursed by everyone else for putting him even more behind schedule, but whatever. Here are a few things on my mind:
1. They will not let me work past 24 weeks. Basically, after spring break in April, I will not be back. I had really hoped to finish out the year. It's not a conversation I really want to have with my principal, so it'll be put off for a while. I don't know how this exactly works with FMLA since I've already used some of the time under the act.
2. They will not let me carry past 37 weeks, so I'll certainly be having a July baby. My official due date is August 16, but at a minimum it'll be three weeks early (possibly more).
3. I'm worried about complications. My blood pressure has been running high lately. My family doctor saw me on Monday (and will repeat on Friday) and decided to increase my bp meds again. I'm worried already about preeclampsia. I'm hoping that by *naming it* and *addressing it*, I'll be *facing it* so it won't happen. ::sigh::
4. Piggy backing on #3, I had my sequential screening. I want to know those results already and know that my babies are ok. Regardless of the findings, these are my two babies, there are no options to consider. I would not follow up with amniocentesis as my ob explained to me that the risk of miscarriage is 1 in 200, and they'd have to amnio both babies. I would not put them at that risk.
My sequential was a bit disappointing, probably because I've had so many transvag ultrasounds with relatively clear, detailed pictures. This was my first external u/s and the image quality was not what I expected. If I were a normal patient, I'm sure I'd be thrilled, but let's face it, I'm special needs over here, far from normal. We did hear both heartbeats, so that was wonderful!!! We saw both SnuggleBugs, so again- awesome!! Baby B was the star of the show and did a heck of a job blocking Baby A. We're going to have a talk about sharing!
I will be seen by my ob every three weeks for now and every four weeks with the perinatologist. So, until then, I'm on my own. Maybe I'm becoming more of a normal patient than I wanted to admit...
I realize this is quite the doozy of a post! Perhaps I can get some shut eye for a while. Since it's all written down I no longer need to worry or dwell on it. I can pick it all back up in the morning, if I so choose. Or even better, maybe I can let a lot of it go.
Yesterday (Tuesday) I had my first ob appointment and my sequential screening. I forgot how long I always have to wait at my ob/gyn. It's been a few years since I had been there, as when I was beginning fertility treatments there really wasn't any need. My RE took care of yearly pap smears for me, so it worked out. Well, it was over an hour past my appointment time before my doctor came in. I was pretty hot about it, but once it was my turn to be seen, it all melted away. Let me begin by sharing with you that my RE's office failed to fax over any of my prenatals as I was promised they would last Thursday. I knew the doctor's dictation would take longer, but was assured everything else would be sent. They lied and received quite the phone call from me as soon as I left the ob. I did not see Dr. D like I had been scheduled, but rather Dr. F. I'm fine with either one, really, they are both just wonderful. Come to find out that they deliver 100% of their babies. 100%. They have never missed a birth. Part of the reason for such tardiness was because Dr.D was called to the hospital for a birth, and instead of cancelling all of us ob patients, Dr. F (who was covering gyn yesterday) tried his best to do the work of two men. Kudos!
He took sooo much time with me. I was probably being cursed by everyone else for putting him even more behind schedule, but whatever. Here are a few things on my mind:
1. They will not let me work past 24 weeks. Basically, after spring break in April, I will not be back. I had really hoped to finish out the year. It's not a conversation I really want to have with my principal, so it'll be put off for a while. I don't know how this exactly works with FMLA since I've already used some of the time under the act.
2. They will not let me carry past 37 weeks, so I'll certainly be having a July baby. My official due date is August 16, but at a minimum it'll be three weeks early (possibly more).
3. I'm worried about complications. My blood pressure has been running high lately. My family doctor saw me on Monday (and will repeat on Friday) and decided to increase my bp meds again. I'm worried already about preeclampsia. I'm hoping that by *naming it* and *addressing it*, I'll be *facing it* so it won't happen. ::sigh::
4. Piggy backing on #3, I had my sequential screening. I want to know those results already and know that my babies are ok. Regardless of the findings, these are my two babies, there are no options to consider. I would not follow up with amniocentesis as my ob explained to me that the risk of miscarriage is 1 in 200, and they'd have to amnio both babies. I would not put them at that risk.
My sequential was a bit disappointing, probably because I've had so many transvag ultrasounds with relatively clear, detailed pictures. This was my first external u/s and the image quality was not what I expected. If I were a normal patient, I'm sure I'd be thrilled, but let's face it, I'm special needs over here, far from normal. We did hear both heartbeats, so that was wonderful!!! We saw both SnuggleBugs, so again- awesome!! Baby B was the star of the show and did a heck of a job blocking Baby A. We're going to have a talk about sharing!
I will be seen by my ob every three weeks for now and every four weeks with the perinatologist. So, until then, I'm on my own. Maybe I'm becoming more of a normal patient than I wanted to admit...
I realize this is quite the doozy of a post! Perhaps I can get some shut eye for a while. Since it's all written down I no longer need to worry or dwell on it. I can pick it all back up in the morning, if I so choose. Or even better, maybe I can let a lot of it go.
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
today was my Monday
I need to vent. I went back to school today, and my kids confirmed in my mind that taking the first trimester off of work is exactly what I'll need to do. I got "a note" from my sub, who I know very well. She's a very tolerant person, so this was a big deal. Not even 9 minutes into the day, shenanigans started. Unbelievable! They didn't miss me. They didn't care that I came back. They didn't feel sorry because I was "sick" yesterday. No one cared (kid-wise, my coworkers care very much). And the tress and aggravation they caused me 9 minutes into the day that just continued.
In other news...
I can never remember how I felt at different stages of my previous transfers. Was I achy before, or was it more cramping? I don't know. What I can tell you is this time around, I've had occasional achiness. No period-like cramping that I used to wonder if it was implantation, or my period trying to force it's way through, or my body rejecting my own embryos (yup, that thought crossed my mind in the past). So far, so good, but I'm only 2 days past a 5 day transfer. (2dp5dt) I have the timeline, and not much is happening in there just yet. I don't think
In other news...
I can never remember how I felt at different stages of my previous transfers. Was I achy before, or was it more cramping? I don't know. What I can tell you is this time around, I've had occasional achiness. No period-like cramping that I used to wonder if it was implantation, or my period trying to force it's way through, or my body rejecting my own embryos (yup, that thought crossed my mind in the past). So far, so good, but I'm only 2 days past a 5 day transfer. (2dp5dt) I have the timeline, and not much is happening in there just yet. I don't think
Friday, November 26, 2010
my crystal ball
Even though I absolutely love being a teacher, I love staying home even more! After I had parent/teacher conferences on Monday and Tuesday (no kiddos since last Friday), I've had Wednesday, Thanksgiving, today, tomorrow, and Sunday off. Since my transfer is on Sunday, I'll be taking Monday off as well, just to be a couch potato.
Realizing that things never seem to go according to plan, here's my plan anyway:
Go back to work on Tuesday.
Endure the 2ww, and get my first ever Big Fat Positive
Finish out the last week of school before Christmas break.
Enjoy my Christmas miracle(s).
Let my principal know that I'll be on bed rest for my first trimester.
*I have already spoken to my doctor about this. After 3 years of trying to get pregnant, I will be doing everything in my power to stay relaxed and calm and happy and safe. If I could put myself into a protective bubble, I'd do that! For now, the best I can get is 13 weeks, free of work.
Go back to work mid-March.
Work for a month, until spring break.
Finish out the last 5 weeks of the school year.
This is my perfect, best-case scenario plan. If I had a crystal ball, this is what I'd hope to see in it!
I just have so much more hope than I've had in a really long time. Being home the last few days has really helped my anxiety level, too. Like I said, I love my job, but it is very stressful. I think just the timing of how this transfer is going down couldn't be more perfect. Relaxation before hand for many days, work a few weeks, off for the first trimester, work a month, off a week, work a month, then summer. It's like the stars have alligned, and this is just all meant to work out for once.
As for today and tomorrow, I'll be cleaning and decorating. I haven't quite decided if I'll be doing any shopping. The idea of staying in my jammies all day and watching tv may win out. I have a relly great technique so cleaning doesn't feel like cleaning. If I'm watching tv, during every commercial break, I get up and clean for those 2 and 1/2 minutes. When my show is back on, I'm back on the couch or bed. it doesn't sound like much, but the time adds up and I work harder because I know it's only 2 minutes! Well, it works for me. I'd rather spend all day doing it like that than spend an hour or two cleaning nonstop.
Realizing that things never seem to go according to plan, here's my plan anyway:
Go back to work on Tuesday.
Endure the 2ww, and get my first ever Big Fat Positive
Finish out the last week of school before Christmas break.
Enjoy my Christmas miracle(s).
Let my principal know that I'll be on bed rest for my first trimester.
*I have already spoken to my doctor about this. After 3 years of trying to get pregnant, I will be doing everything in my power to stay relaxed and calm and happy and safe. If I could put myself into a protective bubble, I'd do that! For now, the best I can get is 13 weeks, free of work.
Go back to work mid-March.
Work for a month, until spring break.
Finish out the last 5 weeks of the school year.
This is my perfect, best-case scenario plan. If I had a crystal ball, this is what I'd hope to see in it!
I just have so much more hope than I've had in a really long time. Being home the last few days has really helped my anxiety level, too. Like I said, I love my job, but it is very stressful. I think just the timing of how this transfer is going down couldn't be more perfect. Relaxation before hand for many days, work a few weeks, off for the first trimester, work a month, off a week, work a month, then summer. It's like the stars have alligned, and this is just all meant to work out for once.
As for today and tomorrow, I'll be cleaning and decorating. I haven't quite decided if I'll be doing any shopping. The idea of staying in my jammies all day and watching tv may win out. I have a relly great technique so cleaning doesn't feel like cleaning. If I'm watching tv, during every commercial break, I get up and clean for those 2 and 1/2 minutes. When my show is back on, I'm back on the couch or bed. it doesn't sound like much, but the time adds up and I work harder because I know it's only 2 minutes! Well, it works for me. I'd rather spend all day doing it like that than spend an hour or two cleaning nonstop.
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