IF is, of course, the abbreviation for infertility.  Not happy I need a tab for this one!

I don't have all of the gory details memorized or even written down up until this past month.  I never expected having a problem getting pregnant.  I wouldn't wish the pain that infertility has brought to me or my husband on my worst enemies.  Once we realized there was "an issue", we figured we'd get whatever i was taken care of, no biggie!  We were reminded that things aren't always black and white; there's a whole ugly gray area, and that's where we landed.  In the gray muck of... dun, dun, dunnn... unexplained infertility.  Here's our journey, in a nutshell, so far.  The first few years are a bit loose and sketchy.  I never thought to document because I didn't think there'd be much to write about.  I didn't think our journey would last this long.

January 2008  I stop bcp, start prenatal vitamins, and we try naturally to see what happens.
after a few months, start using those urine strips to look for my lh surge

June/July use digital ovulation predictor kit (opk) to see exactly when we should do the baby dance (bd)

fall 2008 a funny think happens with the opks, I get a smiley face one month, and then not the next... hmmm, maybe I don't ovulate every month even though I get a regular period.  How could this be?

Sept '08 contact my ob/gyn, we try 50 mg of Clomid, bd as instructed, and check to see if I ovulated (o'd).  Nope. 

SIDENOTE- At this point in time, sex with my husband is still enjoyable.

Oct '08 we increase Clomid to 100 mg, I o'd, but don't get pregnant (pg)

Nov '08 stay at 100 mg since it worked before, I didn't ovulate, WTF?

Dec '08 Jamie's swimmers get checked out the day after Christmas.  I get bumped to 150 mg Clomid, I o'd, but still am not pg.  How can this be happening?

Jan '09 stay at 150mg Clomid, but don't ovulate

Feb '09 my ob/gyn recommends seeing a reproductive endocrinologist (RE) to "go get inseminated"  (he made it sound so easy)

We learn that Jamie's insurance doesn't cover one red cent for IF.  I declined insurance coverage through my school district because I din't plan on working more than a year or two, then I'd be staying home with my baby.  HA.  HA HA.  Open enrollment isn't until May, with coverage beginning in July.  I am advised to not even have a consult with the RE to get the ball rolling, as it might be considered a pre-existing condition with the new insurance.  TTC is virtually on hold, but I guess we were still trying naturally.  (yeah, sure, whatever)

July '09 consult with RE, going to try intrauterine insemination with Clomid in August (because my body DID respond to it in the past) Loads of testing is done.  we have what is called *unexplained infertility* (which I will later decide is a joke and a cop out for finding a real problem)

Aug '09 IUI, 3 or 4 follies (can't recall), did not get pg, at follow up appointment we decide to pursue in vitro fertilization (ivf) as next step

Oct '09 bcp to prepare for stims

Nov '09 ivf cancelled due to very hgh estrogen and a follicle that shouldn't have been there

Dec '09 bcp

Jan '10 ivf #1  29 eggs retreived, 21 mature, 18 fertilized with intra cytoplasmic sperm injection (icsi), 14 usable embryos, this is it, I just know it.  1 perfect embryo put back in. 

Feb '10 big fat negative beta  (bfn)  Next time we'll put 2 in.  back on bcp

March '10 frozen embryo transfer (fet) #1, 2 beautiful embryos put back in

April '10 another bfn, some changes in meds, try 2 more next time, back on bcp

May '10 fet #2, 2 more embies used, please dear God answer my prayers, my heart is breaking

June '10 another bfn, will I ever be a mommy?

July '10 fet #3, 2 more embies used, how much more can I take?

Aug '10, yet another bfn, at our WTF appointment with our RE (yup, that really means What The Fuck, as in "what the fuck went wrong",  it's not another medical abbreviation) he brings up surrogacy.  We cry and cry and cry.  I am 29 years old and we don't know what is wrong.  Just because YOU, dear doctor, haven't gotten me pregnant, doesn't mean that I am NOT ABLE TO get pregnant.  (this was never said to him, but boy I'd love to one day)

Aug '10 consult with a new RE, he has a plan, he asks us questions that we should have been able to answer from our 1st RE, but we can't.  Maybe RE#1 wasn't covering all of the bases?  Maybe he could have done more and dug a bit deeper?

We switch RE's.  It's a big, big deal.  RE#2 is much farther from my house.  It's ok, though.  I'll do whatever I have to do to be a mommy.

Aug '10 Loads of testing is done with RE#2. 
Right off the bat, he finds my Anti-Mullerian Hormone (AMH) indicates I have Polycistic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS), and I begin Metformin.  How did this not show up before now?

Sept '10 I get the ok to start bcp for ivf#2 in October.  We still have embryos left with our old clinic.  We didn't forget about them.  They are just chillin'  (pun intended).  They will not be wasted or destroyed.  We just want RE#2 to have his own try from start to finish.

Oct '10  I start stimulating medicines!  Bringing needles and meds and alcohol wipes in a cooler in Jamie's truck to a wedding just topped it all.  Jamie and I exchanged knowing glances as the smokers outside at the wedding teased us for going to have a quickie in the truck.  If only they knew that I was hitching up my dress in a parking lot for a whole different reason, to do shots follicle stimulting hormones in my stomach.  It was either that or take my needles into the public washroom like a junkie!

Oct '10  ivf#2, 28 eggs retrieved, 21 mature, 18 fertilized with icsi, transfer cancelled due to high estrogen and ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome (ohss)
6- day 5, grade 1A, expanded blastocysts are moved to freezer
I lost twelve of my little embryos.  I cried for them.  I cried for only having 3 tries if we transfer 2 at a time.  Then I remembered that all it takes is 1 to get pregnant.  And at this point my life will be complete with one healthy baby, so I feel better.

Nov 2010  back on bcp for 3 weeks, 500 mg metformin three times a day, prenatal vitamin
Nov 17 started 0.2 mL delestrogen every other day, 1 baby aspirin,  5,000 units heparin every twelve hours
Nov 22 added in 2 doxyciclene (antibiotics) every day for 10 days, and 2 mL of progesterone in oil (pio) every night
Nov 28  2 beautiful snow babies transferred
Dec 8  beta 365.  I'm pregnant!  Thank you God; I'm pregnant!
Dec 13 beta #2.   4,840     progesterone 46
Dec 16 ultrasound#1.  2 gestational sacks, 1 yolk sack 
     beta#3.  15,017  progesterone 20- added 100mg Endometrin 3 times a day
Dec 23 ultrasound #2.  TWINS! 
     Baby A: 2.9mm crl, heartbeat 115bpm. 
     Baby B: 3.6mm crl, heartbeat 124 bpm. 
     beta#4.  61,171  progesterone 32, estradiol 706
Dec 30  ultrasound #3. 
     Baby A: 10.0mm crl, 146 bpm. 
     Baby B:  9.2mm crl, 155 bpm. 
     beta#4.  100,317  progesterone 55, estradiol 804
Jan 6, 2011  ultrasound #4.
     Baby A:  15.4mm crl, heartbeat 176 bpm.
     Baby B:  16.8mm crl, heartbeat 185 bpm.
     bets #5.  158,887  progesterone 42, estradiol 1,393