u/s 7w2d: exponential growth

Everything went beautifully at yesterday's appointment!  I was shocked at how much both babies grew in only a week.  Shocked.  So here they are at 7 weeks and 2 days:

Baby A now has a c.r.l of 10.0mm.

Baby A has a heartrate of 146 bpm,

Baby B has a c.r.l of 9.2mm.

Baby B's heartrate is 155 bpm.

baby gifts

Yup, our babies are spoiled already!  Here are the beautiful, thoughtful gifts that our litle ones have received:

a soft blankie and light up Pooh bear that plays "You Are My Sunshine"
from Jamie's Aunt Phyllis

set of 4 cute bibs from Jamie's Aunt Sandy

Sleep Sheep from my Aunt Cathy

guardian angel statue from Jamie's parents

ultrasound picture frame from Nick, Brooke, and Dominick

fraternal blankies =) from my parents

tummy shot: 7 weeks

7 weeks pregnant

the day after Christmas = lazy day

So, at the ultrasound on Thursday, they also drew blood.  I wasn't expecting the results until Monday since they had super short hours on Christmas Eve, but I think my nurse knows what a spazz I am about waiting and wondering.  She was kind enough to leave me a voicemail on Friday.  Everything was perfect!  My progesterone was back up from the week prior (from 20 to 32 now).  My estradiol was at 706; they never gave me that one before, so I'm not sure how that compares.  My beta was 61,171.  And above all else, our ultrasound had shown two strong heartbeats. 

We had a great Christmas.  December is always a big month in our house- Jamie's birthday, our anniversary, Christmas, and other family member's birthdays.  Our pregnancy this month just topped it all.  Going into the November transfer my heart knew that the beta results would either make or break a lot of the celebrations this month.  There hasn't been a single day since we got our results on December 8th that I haven't praised God for blessing us with a baby, now 2 babies. 

Our babies are already loved and spoiled.  In the next day or two I'll take some pictures of the loot they've accumulated so far!  Brooke, Nick, and Lil D got us an adorable picture frame for our ultrasound photo that says "Now Showing".  My mom and dad got us two beautiful white blankets that say "baby" in pastel letters.  The lettering is slightly different (printing and cursive) so that way we could tell which baby is in which blanket!  =)  Jamie's parents got us a guardian angel statue to watch over me and the little ones.  There are a few more things we received before the holidays, but I'll share that in another post. 

And now, I'm planning on changing back into my pajamas and parking myself on the couch by the fire with Jamie and Greta and just watching football.

ultrasound- 6 weeks 2 days

Here they are...

Baby A has a crown to rump length (crl) of 2.9mm

Baby A has a heartbeat of 115 beats per minute (bpm)

Baby B has a crown to rump length (crl) of 3.6 mm

Baby B has a heartbeat of 124 beats per minute (bpm)

We were able to hear both babies' big strong heartbeats!  You can see in the first picture that Baby A is very photogenic already.  In the third picture, Baby B is a bit more bashful, but in the bottom right area of the gestational sack is a whitish ring- the yolk sack. Baby B is directly above that. 

We were going to try to wait to tell people, but that didn't really work out too well.  We aren't blabbing just yet, but so far we told my mom, dad, Brooke, Dominick (Brooke and Nick's little man), Jamie's mom, dad, older sister, younger brother, and cousin Amber.  Nick was working, so we'll get him today when he gets out of work.

Good morning, Amanda...

Guess who has two thumbs and just threw up... this gal.

Yup, after days and days of nausea in the morning (and general queasiness and indigestion the entire day), I have finally succumbed to morning sickness.  I called my pharmacy because I had already taken a bunch of medicine, so I didnt' know if I should retake it.  They said nope.  So now, I'm just going to lay back down and relax. 

Tomorrow is going to be a big day; we have what should have been our first ultrasound.  Last Thursday they did a sneak peek one because of my bleeding, but this one should be a good one.  Last week we were already advised to not "talk numbers" with anyone for a while, meaning the number of babies that they spot.  I guess if there are multiples, they just worry early on about a vanishing twin or if there's more than two losing one of them.  I suppose I could see where they're coming from.  I just know that I am not a very good secret keeper when it comes to my own secrets.  I'm pretty good about keeping other people's secrets quiet, just not my own.  We'll just have to see what happens.  If we only see gestational sacks and yolk sacs, I wouldn't share.  But what it we see embryos?  What if we see a heartbeat?  That might make a difference.  But maybe I'd want to see the embryos and heartbeats a couple/few times to be safe...  This is some tough stuff.  All I am asking God for is that we are blessed with one healthy baby.  If there's more, then great, but please give us one.

my first tummy shot (6 weeks)



6 weeks pregnant



an update that's not much of an update

Woo-hoo!  I'm 6 weeks pregnant today!  Things have pretty much been status quo for the last several days.  I've been feeling very nauseous throughout the entire day.  Apparently, I'm having quite the loss of appetite.  I was ravenous last week, but since Saturday I really don't feel hungry.  I make myself eat, of course, because baby needs nourishment.  I'm hoping this changes by Friday, since there is going to be an impressive spread of a lot of my favorite foods for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day!  I also can't forget to mention the wonderful personal tropical vacations that I've gone on, mostly at night.  Holy hot flashes!  I woke Jamie up to take my temperature this morning to make sure it wasn't a fever. 

Other than that, I'm holding my own over here.  Jamie's been keeping busy with family parties, work, grocery shopping, and Christmas shopping.  My dad is off of work until after the first of the year, so he's been keeping me company and watching Christmas movies with me.  My mom checks in almost daily in person, but certainly over the phone at least once a day.  Brooke and I talk a bunch of times each day, as well as blast up each other's cellies with texts.  Nick (my bro/Brooke's hubby) stopped by yesterday.  When he asked how I was feeling, I told him great and I hadn't spotted since last Friday!  Poor guy kinda winced in pain and informed me that he didn't need to know that.  Bless his heart, even after having a pregnant wife himself and being in labor/delivery with her, some things can still be tmi. 

anxiety, emotions, and empowerment

So, I don't have that many followers, but I do appreciate the 8 that I have very much.  I used to creep on IF blogs and message boards, so if I, in turn, have any creepers, this is for them too.  I know we're all at different places in our cycles and lives in general, but I think everyone can relate on some level.

Whether you are just starting trying to conceive, just got your bfp (or bfn), are in your first/second/third trimester, are already changing diapers, or are driving kids to school, life is still tough and each day is a challenge.  I know it can be a bitter pill to swallow when other women get pregnant.  I get it.  For almost three long years, I shed those tears more often than I'd like to admit.  Inside you really want to be happy.  You want to see her success as a glimmer of hope for yourself.  But no matter how hard you try, your mind drags you back to "Why can't it be me?  When will it be my turn?  What did I ever do to deserve this?"  That's how my mind operated.  Maybe my readers have better control of their psyche and emotions than I did.  I would obsess over pregnany bellies I'd see.  I'd try to remind myself that "she didn't take my baby, I wasn't next in line, and she cut, that's her baby".  I also tried to keep in mind that you can't judge a book by its cover.  Just because I saw a pregnant tummy, it didn't necessarily mean it came easily to her.  I wish there was a shirt to wear once I get my tummy that would announce that my pregnancy was "hard-won, fought for, not as easy as it may appear".  Something along those lines.  I know for all the tummies I looked longingly at, someone, somewhere will one day look at mine the same way and never know.

Now that I am finally pregnant, the fear and worry and anxiety are still there, just manifested in a different form.  This was a rough week for me.  Not a potty break went by that my heartbeat didn't quicken as I had to wipe and hope for the best, but prepare for the worst.  Especially when I'm cramping and spotting and had fresh-looking blood.  Especially when I'm waiting for results from bloodwork and pleading with God to let my baby be ok.  I used to be scared that my ivf or fet wouldn't work.  Now I'm scared that the pregnancy might not work, if that makes any sense.  I know I need to relax, but I've been told to "just relax" for three years now and I failed at it then, so I'll likely fail to relax now.

I will forever know what true pain is.  I always wondered if once an IF gets pregnant, does the pain just seem to go away?  Are they just overcome with joy and happiness that it becomes a distant memory?  I hoped it would, because no one deserves the pain that an IF feels.  At only 5 weeks 4 days pregnant, I haven't forgotten a single second of the years of heartache I've endured.  I don't anticipate that happening when I'm 5 months pregnant, or even putting 5 birthday candles on a cake in the future. 

Everything we experience, good or bad, shapes who we are and who we will become.  IF has changed me forever.  Before I started this blog last month, I grabbed just a spiral notebook that I was going to use as an IF journal of sorts.  On the inside cover I wrote a few of the quotes that I put on my "sayings" page.  On the first lined page I wrote a letter.  I'd seen Dear Infertility letters on other blogs and thought that might be a good place for me to start.  I'd like to share my letter:

10-11-10
Dear Infertility,
I want you to know, in no uncertain terms, that you will not win. You picked the wrong girl to mess with.  I will be a mommy, and I will win.


Thank you for forcing me to evaluate my life, my relationships, and my value as a woman, daughter, sister, friend, and wife. I have dug deep within my soul and heart as you made me cry myslef to sleep at night, and I have found strength, courage, dertermination, and drive that I didn't realize I had.


I will win each battle along the way to motherhood and stand victorious with my baby or babies one day.  You will not break me.  You will not shatter my spirit.  You will, in fact, be defeated, by me! 


That's a promise,
AKL

This was written on the eve of IVF#2.  A lot of changes had been made from August (after another bfn from fet#4), which I've written about in various posts and pages, but a monumental change occured that night within me, that I didn't really recognize until today.  My fragile being found an incredible, unshakable level of faith that had been missing for a while.  My Catholic faith wavered at times, but now... I had faith in myself.

here we go again

There's never a dull moment in my life, that's for sure.  I received a phone call from my nurse about an hour ago.  I should have just checked the stupid voicemail system, but they felt the eed to call me, which made my heart drop a bit.  Evidently, they want my progesterone level at 20 or higher right now.  On Monday, it was 46, and yesterday's bloodwork showed a drop to 20.  Great.  Just great.  I spent some time calling local pharmacies to find Endometrin 100mg vaginal suppositories.  Jamie had to wait a very long time after work at the pharmacy, but he's on his way home with it now.  I'll be taking these 3 times a day.  I've said it before, and I'll say it again, I will do whatever I have to do to maintain this pregnancy.  If they tell me poking needles into my pupils would make a difference, I'd do it. 

My nurse reassured me that they are just being very cautious.  I'm at the low end of where they want me.  I'll take some medicine to get it back up where it was.  Everything looked fine yesterday, and that is very important.  My beta from yesterday was 15,017, up a lot from Monday's 4,840.  I'm in good shape.  I'm on bedrest.  I'm eating right.  I'm taking my medicines.  And I'm still praying.  That's all I can do! 

This was my third scare/setback/dramatic performance this week.  I'm done!  No more!  Nothing but smooth sailing from here.

As my Grandma used to say... Holy Tony, cut out the baloney, and help me have a healthy pregnancy.  (She wasn't asking for a healthy pregnancy, I just filled in the blank!)  =)

first pregnancy ultrasound

We had our first pregnancy ultrasound done today, courtesy of my red spotting episode on Tuesday.  I spotted dark pink this morning, but I didn't freak out this time.  I drank water, laid down on my side, and practiced my "soup breathing".  Soup breathing is what elementary schoolers do to calm down.  "Imagine you have a big bowl of hot soup in front of you.  Breathe in through your nose.  Can you smell the soup?  Ooh, it's hot!  Breathe out through your mouth to cool the soup off."  =)

Ok, so fast forward to my appointment.  Everything looked good!  My cervix is perfect; no irritation, inflamation, or bleeding there.  Inside my ute, it was a beautiful day in the neighborhood.  No blood clots or anything else that may be the cause of the bleeding.  Since I'm on heparin twice a day, my nurse said that could be the cause.  If there's a drop of blood loosened up from somewhere, most women would just absorb a drop or two back into their bodies and never know.  Between the baby aspirin and heparin, my blood is running very thin.  So thin, that instead of being reabsorbed (like during implantation maybe), it may leak out.  Mix that withcervical mucus and urine when I pee, that one drop of already thin blood may look like more that it really is.  Makes sense to me. 

That being said, I'm ordered to strict bedrest for the next week, until my next ultrasound.  I'm going to have to go FMLA for my time off of school, but I already have the note from my physician and now my RE.  I'm out for the first trimester, and the strictness will be determined on a weekly basis.  I'm ok with all of this.  I will be missing a big family party on Jamie's side this Saturday.  I'll miss his sister's birthday get together on Sunday.  I'm effecting everyone's Christmas plans because even if I'm released from strict bedrest on the 23rd, Christmas Eve at our house won't be the same as it's always been with food and desserts.  I LOVE to bake.  I live for this time of year and all the baking it holds for me.  But it is what it is.  I will do whatever I'm told to do to maximize my chances of keeping my baby.  Plain and simple.

As I had "a moment" on the phone with Brooke (bff/sil) this evening, she reminded me that we'll all be together and that's all that matters.  She went so far as to say even if we make Tombstone pizzas in the oven, it'll still be Christmas and we'll still be together and I'll still be pregnant which is more important than anything else.  Gotta love that Brooke.  She's a clutch hitter, always coming through when I need her. 

Jamie, God bless his heart, has been running like a madman to get some of our Christmas shopping done.  Well, he has stepped up to the plate and plans on baking!  He's a good sport and would do just about anything to make me happy.  We still aren't decorated all the way, but we may not be this year.  Not a single present is wrapped.  I filled out our cards yesterday, but need stamps in order to send them.  We'll do the best we can, and as long as we have each other, our little one, and our family, nothing else matters. 

how quickly things change

What a whirlwind the last 24-36 hours have been.  After the whole second beta scare, yesterday I went to work like normal, and right before I picked my class up from music, I stopped at the washroom.  I felt fine.  I still cramp up at times, but I hadn't had any spotting sine maybe Friday or Saturday.  So I go to the bathroom, and when I wiped, it was  red.  Like red, red.  And there's more of it than I have had so far.  Quite a bit more, but it wasn't heavy.  Just enough to freak me out.  I wiped a few more times as I began to hyperventilate.  Seriously.  I couldn't take a breath, just short gasps of air.  Then I began crying hysterically . 

Very long story short, I work with some very, very amazing and supportive people.  The social worker/pal of mine who knows what my deal is walked me to the nurse, they got me somewhat coherent and relatively normal (although I had several more boughts of breathing trouble and crying jags), and my mom was called.  She works super close to my house, so she left school.  My wonderful assistant principal drove me home to save time.  I called Jamie to let him know what was going on, but told him not to leave work until I heard from the doctor.  After a few phone calls I got a hold of my nurse and was ordered to the bed or couch until Thursday afternoon, which is wheh they're going to try a very, very, very early ultrasound.  I go back next Thursday the 23rd for what should have been my first real pregnancy u/s, but in leiu of yesterday they just want to see what they can see, if anything, at this point.  She also had me take my progesterone shot early to help relax my uterus.  My mom did not handle administering it very well.  She got the job done and I give her so much credit!  But I could tell it really bothered her to do it.  She asked a few times if I'd like her to drive me to her school and have the nurse do it.  =)  No way was that happening! 

So that's it.  I'm going to go lay back down and rest for now.  Any thoughts and prayers that can be spared are always appreciated!

Woo-hoo!

After quite an emotional afternoon that included me flipping out and thinking the worst, a very late voicemail with my results (but no beta level), scheduling my pregnancy ultrasound, calling the nurse back because she didn't leave my beta, was given a low beta (still an increase, but only from 365 to 484. wtf happened), had my heart deflate, crying and crying and thinking it was all over, calling back 3 times to try to talk to my nurse, finally talking to a nurse, and getting my actual beta...

beta #2 = 4,840
Thank you God!

Stupid girl (not a nurse, don't know who she was) checked my chart for me since the nurses were busy and I didn't want to leave a message.  Apparently she didn't see the zero on the end!  Seriously. 

my symptoms prior to bfp

My second beta is tomorrow morning, so I'll be able to breathe a little easier after that's done.  After my transfer, I was keeping track of things that seemed different from the rest of my fets.  I just wrote them on paper because I was afraid to post them on here.  I didn't want to read to much into them and get my hopes up, just in case.  In the past, after negative betas, I always felt a bit foolish that I thought I had early pregnancy symptoms.  Now, I feel it's safe enough to share.

5 day transfer:
0dpt... Embryo is now a blastocyst
1dpt....Blastocyst hatches out of shell on this day SOME ACHINESS, A FEW SHORT, SLIGHT CRAMPS
2dpt.. Blastocyst attaches to a site on the uterine lining ACHEY, DISCHARGEY, BLOATED, PIMPLES
3dpt.. Implantation begins, as the blastocyst begins to bury in the lining LOWER BACK PAIN
4dpt.. Implantation process continues and morula buries deeper in the lining MEGA CRAMPS!!!  I was beyond terrified that it meant the end.
5dpt.. Morula is completely implanted in the lining and has placenta cells & fetal cells EMOTIONAL, SOME CRAMPS IN THE AFTERNOON, MY RIGHT QUADRICEP HURT (weird, but since I felt it, I wrote it down)
6dpt...Placenta cells begin to secret HCG in the blood EMOTIONAL, SOME BROWNISH SPOTTING WHEN I WIPED (3PM ONLY)
7dpt...More HCG is produced as fetus develops 2:30PM, PINK SPOTTING WHEN I WIPED, SLIGHT CRAMPING, HEIGHTENED SENSITIVITY TO SMELLS
8dpt...More HCG is produced as fetus develops CRAMPING 3 OR 4 TIMES DURING DAY
9dpt...HCG levels are now high enough to be immediately detected on HPT  EXHAUSTED!!!  CRAZY SENSITIVITY TO SMELLS, CRAMPS, SPOTTING, BLOATING, PIMPLES
10dpt...beta= 365  Big Fat Positive (BFP)  (12-8-10, the Feast of the Immaculate Conception)  SENSITIVE TO SMELLS THAT NO ONE ELSE COULD SMELL BUT MY STOMACH WAS LURCHING THEY WERE SO BAD, CRAMPS

Since Wednesday, I'm still breaking out, which hasn't been an issue for me in a long time.  My lower back hurts mostly at night time.  I get occasional cramps day or night.  I've been peeing more at night.  Some of my work pants are tight already.  My boobs are hurting a bit.  I feel queasy in the morning, but haven't gotten sick.  And I'm just plain worn out.  I am not complaining, though, just documenting.  I will happily experience everything that's thrown at me as long as it means I'm pregnant!

The results are in...

I'm pregnant! 

I had my first beta on Wednesday, 12-8.  My blood draw was at 7, but I didn't get to call for the results until after school at 3:40.  My heart dang near pounded out of my chest.  The nurse was very calm and cool about leaving my message.  Just her tone in the first few seconds made my heart sink into my chest.  Here we go again, I thought.  But then, I heard those glorious words for the first time ever... "I'm calling to congratulate you, you're pregnant."  I started shaking so badly, my heart was about to burst out of my chest.  I'm pregnant. 

Since with IF, there are not many opportunities for surprises, I knew that Jamie would be trying to read my expression when I got home.  I stopped at the store and got him a BABY Ruth candy bar.  When I pulled up, he was outside with his truck on.  Evidently, he thought his chiropractor appointment was at 4:45 instead of 5:45.  So he came in the house with me, called to double check the time, and then took his coat off.  When he turned back toward me I handed him the candy bar.  He looked at it and was like "Yeah? It was postive?"  I nodded the whole time and told him that we were indeed pregnant.  We hugged, he cried, he went into a kind of shocked state for a few minutes, just saying "We're pregnant.  We're going to have a baby."  We then had to sit and listen to the message from the nurse a couple of times to get the directions.  They consider anything over 25 to be positive.  My beta was 365!  I go back on Monday for beta #2.  Every 2-3  days they want the number to double, so by Monday I should be around 1400 or so.  I took a hpt right away just to see what it looks like when it's positive!

We told my parents Wednesday night, Nick/Brooke/Dominick and Brooke's mom on Thursday, and will tell Jamie's parents today when he gets home from work.  Jamie and I were discussing it over dinner last night and by far, Brooke is the winner for best reaction so far! 

So that's what my last few days have been like, very unreal.  It still hasn't sunk in yet.  My dear friend/cousin Amber sums it up best as "cautiously expecting our first fet miracle" (although she has 2 miracles!).  I'm very excited, just extremely cautious.  I want that second beta.  I want to know a loose timeline for labs and ultrasounds.  I just want this little SnuggleBug to be healthy and stay put and grow.

this is new

TMI alert...

Here's the deal, for my previous four transfers, my memory is very fuzzy about how I felt and what I experienced (if anything) during the 2ww.  But there is ONE symptom/side effect/ whatever you want to call it that I KNOW I never had before; spotting.  Yesterday, when I went to the washroom in the afternoon, I had some brown spotting on my underwear and when I wiped.  I was fine the rest of the day, but had some cramping and twinges.  This morning, I've had a bit more cramping, although none of it compares to Thursday.  Just now, when I peed and wiped, I had pink spotting.  I know this has never happened before, so I have to assume that it's an ok thing.  Never spotted before, never worked before.  Maybe, just maybe, I'll get my miracle...  Maybe someone found a snuggly spot inside and the spotting is what got loosened up during the snuggle...  I have hope.  For now, I'm parking on the couch, going to take it easy, and think good thoughts, just in case my theory is right.

emotions and song lyrics

Yesterday I felt a million times better.  I had some slight cramping at night time, but nothing compared to Thursday.  I was, however, extremely emotional.  At the risk of sounding like a crazy person, I won't get into my history with the radio.  Let's just say that there have been more times than I can count that meaningful songs comes on the radio at exactly the right time.  Sometimes the songs are very specific to me, and other times the lyrics just seem to point me in a certain direction or even respond to something I was thinking about.  I do have witnesses to this happening!

So I had a lot of driving around to do yesterday.  Home to work (20 minutes), work to acupuncture (40 minutes), acupuncture to home (50 minutes).  I always, always have the radio on, and that's where most of my emotions erupted from.  I didn't have a connection yesterday, but certain songs just brought on the water works. 

In the morning, "White Christmas" got me started, so I turned off the Christmas music and popped in a mix cd. I regained my composure, but then "I Won't Back Down" (Tom Petty) sent me reeling.  "Heeeey, baby.  There ain't no easy way out.  You can stand me up at the gates of hell, but I won't back down.  Gonna stand my ground, won't be turned around.  And I'll keep this world from draggin me down, but I'll stand my ground.  I won't back down"  (That's not the perfect order, btw, but you get the idea.)  I cried some more.

So then, on my way to acupuncture I start up again when I hear "Christmas, Baby Please Come Home".  I love this song, especially the Darlene Love version, which it was, so I know the lyrics and never had a problem.  But for some reason, yesterday "We're singing deck the haaaallls, but it's not like Chirstmas at aaaalllll....." blindsided me.  Sheesh! 

While I was waiting for my appointment, I turned off the radio (maybe I should have it disconnected?) and was playing around on facebook on my phone.  A friend of mine put up "It's not the size of the dog in the fight, but the size of the fight in the dog that matters."  How true is that?  There's so much fight left in me.  and like Tom Petty said, I won't back down.  So, I am adding this line to my affirmations, along with Henry Ford's "If you think you can or you think you can't, you're right."  I can get pregnant.  I know I can.

I'll give you the abridged version of my ride home.  In the 50 minute ride, these songs made me cry: "Dynomite" (which is normally a get-pumped song for me)   "Up on the Housetop"  (seriously?) and "Courtesy of the Red, White, and Blue" ("a mighty suckerpunch came flying in from somewhere in the back, but as soon as we could see clearly through our big black eye, man we lit up your world like the 4th of July"  It's clearly a patriotic song, but I can connect anything and everything to my infertility.  Our suckerpunch is IF, black eye all the pain we've gone through for three years, we're working on a plan that will change everything) 

Once again, I turned the radio off, called Jamie.  Called my mom.  Then, 3 minutes from my house, as I'm once again pushing buttons, the Beastie Boys' "You gotta fight, for your right, to paaaaaarty" comes on.  Remembering that It's not the size of the dog in the fight, but the size of the fight in the dog that matters...  I become empowered and belt out every chorus as "You gotta fight, for your right, to be a MOOOOOOMMMMY!"  No more tears.

ugh

I woke up this morning with cramps.  I started crying and basically freaking out.  For all of my past transfers, I had cramps at some point.  I think they happened later in the cycle, but since I didn't keep track, I could be completely wrong.  There was no point in even calling my doctor.  All they would say is if it gets bad, take one regular strengthg tylenol.  It is what it is.  Nothing's going to change it.  I do, however, realize that freaking about it certainly won't help the situation.  I need to stay calm and stress-free.  (ha)  The cramps came and went throughout the day, almost in waves at times.  I had a few really good cramps, but the rest were managable.  So, I'm kind of an idiot about this "achiness" I've been having.  I think I was sore and achey from the heparin.  When I saw my stomach this morning and how it's all bruised up, it hit me like a tone of bricks.  Perhaps that's the achiness.  (I've never been accused of being the brightest bulb on the tree.)

I just want to be pregnant more than anything.  To be this close, once again, and have it yanked away from me (right before Christmas, mind you) will be a devastating blow that I pray to God I don't have to deal with.  I'm still thinking positive thoughts.  I'm still going for acupuncture and doing everything else that I'm advised to do.  It's out of my hands right now.

timeline

As a teacher, I beg, borrow, and steal worksheets and ideas from all over the place.  No one should recreate the wheel, as they say!  I'm borrowing this, too, since I clearly didn't discover what happens after a frozen embryo transfer.  =)

I've seen this timeline on fertilty forums' message boards in the past, but I was redirected to it recently by Kate and her post, who also borrowed from a friend. 
5 day transfer:
0dpt... Embryo is now a blastocyst
1dpt....Blastocyst hatches out of shell on this day
2dpt.. Blastocyst attaches to a site on the uterine lining
3dpt.. Implantation begins, as the blastocyst begins to bury in the lining
4dpt.. Implantation process continues and morula buries deeper in the lining
5dpt.. Morula is completely implanted in the lining and has placenta cells & fetal cells
6dpt...Placenta cells begin to secret HCG in the blood
7dpt...More HCG is produced as fetus develops
8dpt...More HCG is produced as fetus develops
9dpt...HCG levels are now high enough to be immediately detected on HPT

Hopefully, this is what's going on.  My lower back has been hurting all afternoon and evening, and I'm still a bit achey at times, but that's it.