Happy Leap Day!

Be like Gabriella and get to leapin'!

taken with my phone, not great quality to upload I guess

the shred

Day 1 of the shred kicked my ass last night.  I am so out of shape.  I can't even do a single modified push up all the way down and back up.  My legs ache and feel like jell-o.  My knees truly hurt.  The way i see it, though, is even if I can't keep up, doing something is better than doing nothing. 

I drank 120 ounces of water after reading somewhere that you should try to drink half of your weight in ounces of water each day to help your weight loss efforts (so if you weigh 100 pounds, you should drink 50 ounces).  I had to burn up some calories just walking to and from the bathroom all day!  There was an 'incident' involving me and some Easter candy, so I'll work harder today to make better food choices. 

starting over

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

my big girl

Gabriella has a tooth! 

Just one little chomper, but it's broken through.  I was so excited when I felt it this afternoon at Owen's baptism.  It's such a big step.  And then seconds later I was like, oh man.  My baby girl has a tooth.  She's growing up so doggone fast.  I just love her beyond measure, and I want her to stay my baby forever.  Forever.  And time just keeps marching on, whether I want it to or not.

6 month pictures

6 years in Heaven

6 years ago today was one of the worst days of my life.  Without a doubt it's in the top 2 worst days, so far.  Brooke's dad died very suddenly.  He had been in the hospital for less than a day.  I remember every single detail about the morning of February 14, 2006.  Not that much can make the sudden death of your best friend's dad, and your brother's future father in law any worse, but I need to add that Nick and Brooke were getting married in just 11 days... February 25. 

Dominick would have been dancing up a storm with the ladies at Nick and Brooke's wedding.  He would have been absolutely ga-ga over little Dominick (his namesake) and baby Owen.  He was such a kind-hearted, generous soul that was taken way too soon and is missed tremendously. 

It brings me some comfort knowing that we have the best guardian angel ever watching over us from Heaven. 

weigh-in: week 5

Hi, my name is Amanda, and I kinda suck at life. 

I lost a pound.  The same dang pound I gained last week.  So the last two weeks are a wash.

I'm down a total of 9 pounds (once again).  I'm already struggling a bit after this weekend.  We ate out a few times including a baptism, and I chowed down on some Valentine candy.  I love eating out; it tastes so good and I enjoy not having to cook or clean up.  It's just hard to jump back on the WW train.  And, to boot, I'm due to get a visit from AF later this week. 

I thought about scrapping the weekly updates because there's not much to report.  Just another let down, and I have to one to blame but myself.  But then I thought, keep at it... if I wasn't making some effort, even as half-hearted as it may be sometimes, it's better than doing nothing.  If I didn't try at all for these last five weeks, I'd be 9 pounds heavier, if not more!  I didn't reach my first goal, so I need to revise. 

By March 15, I'd like to be down 11.5 more pounds, for a grand total of -20.  I realize it's kind of steep, but I have a lot to lose.  It's not like I'm only twenty pounds overweight.  I have way more than that to go. 

I'm going to just go ahead and put it my numbers out there.  I'm not all into taking measurements with a tape measure, just the scale, but here goes:

I'm 5'9"

On January 5, I weighed 243.5

On February 11, I weighed 234.5

**by March 15, I'd LIKE to weigh 223
**by April 14 (my bday), I'd LIKE to weigh 218
**by June 1, I'd LIKE to weigh 209
**by July 5 (Gabriella and Benjamin's bday), I'd LIKE to be under 199
**If and when I break through into ONEderland (in the 100's, thankyouverymuchBiggestLoser), I'll set some new goals.  I'd be thrilled if I can get into and stay in the 190s by the end of the year.  If I reach this goal by my self-imposed deadline, I'll certainly work up some more milestones for the remaining 5 months of the year.  If life gets in the way and it takes me a bit longer, then so be it.  But 190s by the end of 2012 is my goal.  Whether than happens in July and I maintain, or if I struggle and it takes me until December to get there, I'm going to make it happen.  That would be about a 50 pound weight loss.  But seriously, baby steps.  Nine down, forty-one to go.

There it is.  It isn't pretty, but it's where I am.  Hopefully not for much longer though if I can get my act together.  So buck up little camper and just take it one meal at a time.

letter of intent

We're really struggling as a one income family.  I received in the mail the letter of intent for the upcoming school year.  I have to let my principal know by March 1st if I'll be returning to school in the fall, or if I'm resigning.  If I had to go back to work, my mom would retire and stay with the babies.  She's only going to work one more school year anyway, so she'd just go out a year earlier than planned.  I know without a shadow of a doubt that Gabriella and Benjamin would be in the best care imaginable, in my absense, of course.  It will just break my heart to leave my babies.  It would absolutely crush me.  But we need money.  I need to figure something out.  I can not go back to work full time during the day.  As a teacher, it's not like the work stays at school and you punch the clock from 9-5 like other jobs.  You get there an hour early and stay late, bring bags of papers home, have committee meetings, etc. 

I've been working on some wreaths and plan on approaching a local craft store, Brady's Craft Mart, this week.  It's kind of like a small scale walk-in Etsy, local arts and crafts.  I already spoke with them over the phone.  To rent a space there for a 6 month contract I have to have my work juried in, or approved, by the owner.  She has to think the work is marketable in this area and priced appropriately. 

I've been making some yarn wrapped wreaths with lace and felt flowers.  The concept is all over pinterest and etsy.  I'll post pictures at some point.  I'm hoping this is something that I can do, from the comforts of home, when my babies are sleeping, to bring in some cash.  Yup, I want to have my cake and eat it too.  It's so scary to think about... material, supplies, 6 months rent, it's a risk up front.  What if my wreaths flop?  I enjoy making them, but I'm not quite sure that they are a product I love.  But I suppose, if they sell and help solve my problem, I can learn to love them. 

I'm also working on getting my grandma's old sewing machine up and running.  Maybe I can figure out how to sew something adorable and original, something that everyone will love and want to have.  I'm not looking to make a fortune, just enough to help us bring in our bottom line and allow me the opportunity to continue being a stay at home mommy.  Being a mommy is all I've ever wanted and it was a long hard road getting here.  I can not emphasize enough what would happen to me if I have to leave my babies and work full time next school year.  My heart and chest hurt even thinking about it.

a new little Saint

I'm super duper excited to announce that we've decided that we're ready for a puppy!  We've been eye-balling a Saint Bernard breeder in central Illinois for a few months now, and I've stayed in close contact with her.  She has a confirmed litter that is expected on March 26.  The male sometimes "has a hard time getting the job done, not for lack of trying".  My first thought was great, a dog with fertility issues, just what we need.  But date night was apparently a success.  We were the first put down our deposit, so we'll get pick of the litter.  The mommy, Bari, is a rough coat, aka long coat (like my Greta was), but the daddy, Quido, is a smooth coat, aka short coat, think fur like a lab but Saint colorings/markings.  We'll just have to see who catches our hearts.  So, we'll have a new fur baby at the end of May.  Gabriella and Benjamin will be almost a year, so they'll have a furry friend to grow up with, side-by-side. 

I'm so happy.  I really am.  But I'd be lying if I said that memories of Greta weren't weighing heavily on my heart in the last few weeks.  There aren't too many things that I wouldn't give up to have her back, healthy of course.  It's just kind of bittersweet right now - I'm happy to be getting a puppy soon, but I just wish we weren't "in the market" for one.  Here's the link for the breeder.

weigh-in: week 4

Despite all of my efforts, I gained one frickin' pound this week.  I made a few mistakes, but not enough for this harsh of a consequence.  Seriously.  I really am kind of scratching my head as to how this happened.  So now my total dropped back to 8 pounds, and I need 6 to reach my goal of 14 by Valentine's Day.  Ha! 

Ok, so this week I will a.) more accurately track what I eat,  b.) eat more fresh fruit, and c.) drink at least 2 more servings of water each day.  I'll save eating more veggies and exercising for when I get really desperate.  I can't change what's been done this week.  I'll just learn from it and make some changes.  (I was super bummed earlier; I can't lie.)

shut up stupid brain

Dear stupid brain,
Why do you wait until I'm trying to sleep to start working for the day?  Why do you take that opportunity to think and over-think every little detail of my life?  Why do you make me relive moments that I'd rather put behind me?  Why am I dwelling on the stupid maternal fetal doctor that was mean to me BOTH times I was admitted to the hospital?  All I keep thinking is I should have handled the situations with Dr. Suarez differently.  I wish I had the gumption to have kicked him out of my room.  But I guess, ultimately, my own feelings and emotions and pride was put aside for my babies.  Do what you want, say what you want to me, but just let me know my babies are ok... perhaps this was why I dealt with him like I did. 

But seriously, I'd like to go to sleep since my babies are both sleeping (for a few hours already).  Please turn off brain.  I'll pick up all of my worries in the morning.  I promise I'll resume right where I'm leaving off.  I'll worry about money and bills.  I'll worry about keeping my babies safe and healthy.  I'll feel anxious and cry about the thought of something happening to me and my babies not remembering much about me.  I'll try to think of a way to make money without returning to work full time.  I'll beat myself up for not being a better housewife and keeping up with chores.  I'll regret the peanut M&Ms I devoured tonight and berate myself for not having more self-control.  I'll pick all of it, and more, right back up in the morning.  Just let me rest peacefully now. 
Thanks in advance for your cooperation.