u/s: 11w2d (and the tummy shot I promised)

So, this post is a little late, but last Thursday was my final RE appointment.  Brooke came with an got a sneak peek at Dominick and new baby's little cousins.  Baby A was called "antsy pantsy" by my doctor, but Baby B was very calm and apparently resting. 

Baby A has a crl of 42.4mm and a heartrate of 183 bpm.

Baby B has a crl of 43.0mm and a heartrate of 179 bpm.

Doesn't this picture show a baby bump better than my tummy shot just two days before?  =)

See what I mean?

I do have a nice little bump going on!

look what I've got-

Thanks, cOLey24 (aka Nicole)  at endometriosisister for my first ever award!  I'm honored and overwhelmed and just sitting here smiling and blushing a bit.  There are so many thanks to give out besides to Nicole, though... like thanks to my ovaries that didn't really like to ovulate, my uterus that really didn't like the idea of anything burrrowing into it, my thighs/ butt cheeks/ stomach for taking all the shots like a champ... without all of you, I wouldn't have had a reason to start blogging.  So, here goes:

The rules:

1. Thank and link back to the person who gave you the award.

**Thanks, again, cOLey24!**

2. Share 7 things about yourself.

3. Award 5 recently discovered great bloggers!

4. Make sure you contact the bloggers to let them know about the award.

So, a bit about me-
1.  I had to have braces on twice because my orthodontist was a loser.  I think the only reason my dentist recommended him was because they were drinking buddies in college.  4 years the first go round (6th grade through sophomore year) and then 2 more (senior year and 1st year of college).  I swear my teeth weren't even that bad!
2.  I received my bachelor's degree in studio art and graphic design with a minor in art history.  My dream was to illustrate childrens' books.
3.  I cry every single time I watch "Steel Magnolias".
4.  I have never had my own new car.
5.  I wrote a list of *30 things to do before I'm 30* years before bucket lists and things like that were widespread.  I'm going to be 30 in April.  So far I- got married, bought my own dog, watched whales migrating, made real homemade bread, got a professional manicure and pedicure, built a campfire and ate marshmallows on a stick, went skinny dipping, and got certified in cpr.  I don't think I'll get the remaining 22 things in in the next three months.
6.  I don't like to cook, but I LOVE baking.
7.  I believe miracles do happen.

5 bloggers that I pass this on to are:
1.  jennepper
2.  stillaguestroom
3.  everything-after
4.  urzaandluna
5.  fertileramblings

  

seriously...

I am a woman on the brink over here folks.  I've had a headache for the last 12 hours that just won't quit.  I know I can take a regular strength tylenol, but I haven't yet and really don't want to.  On top of that, Jamie's snoring has been out of control lately and is reaching an all time high.  I made him put a Breathe Right strip on last night, but I think that has made it even worse.  Do you know what it's like to have a headache and to be woken up every 15-20 minutes with that nonsense???  I do.  "Roll over."  nudge, nudge  "Roll over."  heavy sighing to get my point across "ROLL over."  toss and turn, toss and turn to jostle the bed a bit  "ROLL OVER!!"  Seriously, between my headache and lack of sleep, if I didn't leave the room right now to vent, that sucker was going to get smothered with a pillow. 
I'm going to check with Dr. Google about natural home remedies for headaches, which I'm sure will be pages of old wives tales that just waste my time.

tummy shot: 11 weeks

I have a couple of pairs of maternity pants already.  When I'm wearing the jeans, I really think you can tell I'm pregnant.  They're much more fitted than my gray comfy pants, and they really show off the beginnings of my baby bump.  I may just have to take a photo in them to prove my case; maybe on graduation day since I'll be showered and made up!

11 weeks

u/s: 10w2d (and graduation anxiety)

Yesterday's appointment went perfectly.  Here are our most recent pictures:

Baby A now has a c.r.l. of 34.6mm and a heartrate of 188bpm.

Baby B has a c.r.l. of 33.3mm and a heartrate of 179 bpm.

I just picked up the voicemail message from my doctor's office.  All of my levels are fine (I didn't ask for the numbers to be left), and they are starting to wean me off some of my meds.  My estrogen was every other night; now it will be every third night.  Progesterone in oil was every night; now we're going every other.  I'm a bit nervous about that, but it's a slow transition.  I'd probably be more worried if they hadn't dropped the bomb on me that Thursday's appointment will be my last.  I THOUGHT I HAD 2 MORE.  This makes me very uncomfortable- my chest is hurting.  That's it.  Thursday is it.  I just feel a little blind-sided.  I really thought I was kept until 12 weeks, which isn't until the following Tuesday, February 1.  I guess the good thing is that is when my first ob appointment is, followed by my sequential screening (which should be just like two really in depth ultrasounds.  Ok, so those two February 1st appointments will get me through that week, but OMG, what if my ob doesn't want me back for a month?  We're going to have to have a serious talk.  I can not, I repeat, can not go for a month without hearing their heartbeats or seeing them.  It's just an unacceptable option. 

a big move

Today was a very big day... we transferred out remaining 7 embryos out of the storage from RE#1 and moved them to RE#2.  We have 4 embryos still with RE#2, but our one year of storage with our first clinic is up this month.  I certainly did not want to pay that clinic to keep them frozen knowing that they'll never get their hands between these warm thighs again!  =)  What was amazing to me is that we went to RE#2, used their tank, drove to RE#1 where all they had to do is pull them and drop them in the cryo tank, drive back to RE#2, and have them stored there, but RE#1 charged us $200 to transfer out.  They didn't do anything today other than pull our straws and load them.  Seriously, $200.  RE#2 had to prepare the tank and continue storing them and all they charged us was $75!  Maybe it's just a sour grapes policy for RE#1; they know that's the last fee they'll be able to shake out of people that are moving their embryos to a different clinic, so why not really push the envelope.  I mean, they have people over a barrel- do you want your embryos or not? 

I can't tell you if these seven wee ones will ever be transferred to me, but we just felt that this was the right move to make.  If we have another fet done in the future, we'd use the 4 remaining embryos from our second ivf, the ones that RE#2 produced.  I had kind of an emotional morning.  It doens't tkae much to get me crying lately, but I was choked up as we got closer to RE#1 to get our embryos.  We had made that same journey many times, for monitoring on the weekends prior to ivf1, ivf, emergency appointment for ohss, fresh transfer, and 3 frozen transfers.  Each time we followed that route, there was so much hope in my heart.  In the beginning anyway.  I'd be lying to say that my 3rd fet (4th overall transfer) was filled with hope.  So as we drove there today and got closer, it just hit me for some reason.  It just made everything so final- in a good way.  I don't want their assistance anymore.  They were not able to get me pregnant, ever.  All of their mushy talk about "You're here to pick up the kids, huh?"  and post transfer "Your little ones are home now" got me nowhere and nothing but heartache.  Being asked if I had a sister who would consider being a surrogate at my last wtf just topped it all.  Getting my embryos today, while I'm 10 weeks pregnant with twins, just brought me some much needed closure and satisfaction.

I needed to get that off my chest.  I met a lot of great people while I was at RE#1, but the bottom line is that they didn't get me pregnant.  I don't hate them.  I'm not even angry or upset really.  I just wonder why my doctor seemed to give up on me.  Was I ruining his statistics?  Was I just too much trouble?  I just don't get it, and I probably never will.  Why did he lose hope?  I am not naive enough to think for one second that RE#2 has it all figured out.  Please.  I'm sure he has patients who have left his practice and gotten pregnant by other doctors, too.  I get it.  But I guess I just wonder how and why things sometimes work out the way they do.  I recently came across this quote:  When the world says, "Give up," Hope whispers, "give it one more try!" 
I don't think I'd change anything we've done this whole journey.  I'm a firm believer that everything we experience (good or bad) shapes who we become.  Like I wrote in my letter to infertility a while ago, IF made me the woman that sits writing this today.  I am stronger, more compassionate, and have more faith because of my IF.  These babies that I have finally been blessed with are loved beyond measure already.  I know that (almost) all mommies want their babies, but I swear I already do and will continue to love these babies more than any other mommy ever has.

So, that was our busy morning, just a whole lot of running around.  I couldn't resist taking a few pictures of the adventure.  To end on a lighter note, here they are:

Safety first!  We strapped our 7 little frosty babies in for the drive.

Very nice, Jamie, hands at 10 and 2.

What a responsible driver!  There was a lot of precious cargo in our car this morning.

tummy shot: 10 weeks

Double digits!  Woo-hoo!!!  I know it may be just another week for some people, but there's something very satisfying about being 10 weeks pregnant to me.  I guess I know that I'm at least 25% of the way to having my two babies; a quarter of the way if I go the full forty weeks, so it's more likely thirty percent (I didn't do the actual math; it's just my rough estimate on that one).  I'll definitely be celebrating when I hit 13 weeks, but this pregnancy is feeling more and more real.  Two weeks from today I have my first ob appointment, as well as my sequential screening (which includes the NTscan). 

10 weeks
I definitely think I look more pregnant in person.  The pictures don't do my tummy justice!

u/s: 9w2d

My mom went with me yesterday for the ultrasound.  Both babies are doing great and were moving!!!  I wish I could say that I'm breathing a little easier, but I'm just not, yet.  The night before each appointment, I start to have lots of anxiety.  I try to stay calm and relaxed, as I realize stress doesn't do me or the little ones any good, but I just worry a lot.  I always feel like a million bucks after I see them and hear their heartbeats.  I don't know what I'll do when my weekly appointments go away, which is in just a few more weeks. 

Baby A:  c.r.l. 22.5mm, heartrate 192 bpm
I was assured that the heart rate was elevated because of the baby's movement.
The baby's head is on the left side, facing down.

Baby B:  c.r.l 22.9mm, heartrate 188 bpm
This is the picture my mom was given.  The caption says, "Hi Grandma.   I love you."
They did one like this for her for each baby.
The picture I got for Baby B was a weird angle, so I copied hers.
The baby's head is up close, with his/her body kinda going back into space.

tummy shot: 9 weeks

Jamie and I were just talking about how crazy it is that I'm 9 weeks along.  Next week I'll hit double digits, and at least 25% of the way through my pregnancy.  My mom, Brooke, and Jamie's mom have been thinking about my shower.  We're going to have it at the country club where my wedding reception was.  Talk about things coming full circle!

9 weeks and cruising right along

Yowza!

Progesterone in oil injections have never been my friend.  Well, the progesterone is great for my babies, but the actual injection still is and always has been the most brutal of them all.  I've iced before and after.  I've used the heating pad before and after, as well on on the syringe itself to thin the oil.  We massage the injection site to disperse the oil.  Nothing really helps; it's just a miserable experience.  Well, last night topped it all.

For about the past week or so, halfway through my 2 ml dosage, the dang thing would start to burn.  Seriously, burn.  It would last for a bit after Jamie was done, but would soon subside.  I really think I had a bad reaction to last nights' shot.  It was not, however, a new vial of medicine.  Jamie stuck me exactly where he's supposed to.  We did everything the same.  But the burning pain was relentless.  Heat made it worse.  Ice made it worse.  Touching it made it worse.  Not touching it made it worse.  It came in waves.  On a ten point scale I was at a constant 4 or 5, but every few minutes it magnified to about a 9, and I like to think I have a high threshold for pain.  When this happened, I was arching my back and contorting from the pain.  This went on for hours.  I tried laying with my left side up, my left side down (kinda like the hokey pokey), standing, sitting, kneeling on the couch and laying over the back of it.  I had to wake Jamie up; there was nothing he could do, but I was crying hysterically and needed him to be aware.  Normally, if I get welts they are relatively small and roundish and take a day or so to form.  Last nights injection formed a new, massive welt in about 30 minutes, and it was long and thick and stretched out (probably 1 inch by almost 3 inches!)  When we looked at the area in the bathroom mirror, the skin was clearly much paler than the rest of my skin.  I took a shallow, lukewarm bath, which was ok, but the water touching my backside hurt, and when the waves of pain came, there was no relief. 

This went on for about 3 hours until the flashes of pain got shorter in duration and further apart.  I fell asleep for a while, but of course had to pee two hours later.  Standing and moving brought it all back!  I ended up falling back to sleep, but now that I'm up I'm feeling it once again. 

The only things I can think of are that I got a bad batch of oil, despite the 2012 expiration date, or maybe I'm developing a sensitivity to the sesame oil.  I don't know if that's even possible, but after almost 2 solid months on it, and being on it for 4 cycles prior, this was nuts.  I don't really want to call my RE as I don't think they'll have much to say about it.  I guess I'll just see how things go tonight.  Any thoughts as to what happened?

To boot- I think I'm getting sick.  My nose switched from stuffy to leaky, I keep sneezing, and my eyes (especially the right one) are itchy and watery.  Can a cold or sinus thing do anything to my babies?

u/s: 8w2d

Both little ones are still doing great.  This week did not have as much change as last week, but they both got bigger and stronger, so that's all that matters.

Baby A:  c.r.l. is 15.4 mm
If you look at the little white tick marks at the top of the picture,
go 4 tick marks from the right then straight down.
There's our baby, facing to the left!

Baby A's heartbeat:  176 bpm

Baby B:  c.r.l. is 16.8 mm
Much easier to make out; our baby is in the right half of the sack,
facing to the right.

Baby B's heartbeat:  185 bpm

tummy shot: 8 weeks

I keep clicking through weeks 6, 7, and 8.  I know my clothes are fitting differently, but I can't tell if I look different in the pictures.  I did get a couple of pairs of maternity pants, as I got tired of using an elastic hair band to hold the top button on my regular pants together. 

8 weeks along





just when I thought life couldn't get much better- it did

Last night my family all got together to celebrate my mom's 60th birthday. I ate a ton of yummy Aurelio's cheese pizza, my mom opened her presents, and right after we sang Brooke and Nick took Dominick upstairs for a diaper change.  Lil D came down wearing a white shirt over his dress clothes.  I had anticipated that he'd be in his jammies because it was getting a bit late (for him, anyways!).  So in a split second I thought, "Maybe they're trying to keep cake off his outfit."  <it did strike me a bit weird that Nick still had his camcorder running>  Then Dominick, who's almost 21 months old turns around and his shirt says BIG BROTHER.  It took a second, but I jumped up and almost beat Nancy (Brooke's mom) to her.  My best friend is pregnant!!!  My official due date is still August 16, although I'll likely go early.  Brooke is due on August 31.  This is what Brooke and I plotted for three years ago; to be pregnant together.  Now it has finally happened.  My parents are going from 1 beautiful grandson to 4 grandbabies in no time at all!  Life sure happens fast.

Can you spot all 5 people in this picture?  I can!
Brooke is about 5 weeks pregnant and I'm just over 7 weeks.