pulmonologist appointment

Benjamin had another appointment with his pulmonologist today.  We had taken him on Saturday for chest xrays.  My mom took off of school to stay with Gabriella, so I was on my own with the little man.  We got called back quickly.  Benjamin flipped out on the scale.  He absolutely hates being naked.  I really think it all goes back to the NICU, and he associates being just in his diaper (or even less) with doctors, nurses, and hospitals.  Needless to say, he started retracting really hard after panicking.  Tracheal tugging and all.

The doctor poked his head in and said he was waiting for the radiologist to go over the xray with him.  Well, since I worry about everything and everything, once he closed the door in my head I was like "Why does he have to talk to the radiologist?  What's on the xray?  What's wrong with Benjamin?  Oh my God, please don't let anything be wrong with my baby!"  and so on and so on.  Cue instant stomach cramps.  In less than 3 minutes I was queasy and sweaty and HAD to go to the bathroom.  But then I was like, who'll watch Benjamin if I even attempt to go to the bathroom and be sick.  Do I pack him up and take him with?  Ask a nurse to stay with him?  What's taking the doctor so long?  Then my stupid brain kicks it up a notch- "it must be serious.  Damn it, I wish Jamie was here.  Chill the eff out, girl, Benjamin can sense your stress and you aren't helping him calm down.  Where is the doctor???"  I popped a handful of orange tictacs into my mouth and told myself they were a combination of Tums and Immodium AD.  Yup, that'll calm me down.  ::eye roll::  Seriously- I do think I'm pretty convincing with that kind of stuff.  8-)   (oh, Jamie... you have a killer headache?  here's a Breathsaver that's actually a really super duper powerful  medicine in my warped world)

While he did calm down quite a bit while we waited for the doc, he was still upset.  Everything looked fine on the xrays and his lungs sound clear, but Doctor T saw him retracting and especially noted the tracheal tugging, so he's having us get an esophagram.  THe wants to make sure that it's just a weak esophagus from being a preemie and being intubated for so long and that nothing is compressing or restricting his airway.  So, that's next Wednesday.  He'll have to fast for 3 hours and then drink contrast dye (barium) for the images.  Fingers crossed everything looks normal.