Saturday, February 5, 2011

my experience in the twilight zone

My mind is still reeling, so this might not make complete sense.  I went to have labs done this morning that my ob had ordered on Tuesday.  I signed in at 9:53 and was back in the room before 10.  Linda (a young girl probably around 25ish with a bad cold) had a heck of a time reading my doctor's orders.  I could figure out most of it, so I didn't think a phlebotamist would have a problem- pretty standard stuff.  She had to go get help deciphering his writing, which is where things took a funny turn.  Once the other two ladies saw that a pregnancy profile was on the list they came in to see the "baby momma" as they called me. 
lady- "How far along are you?"  (simple question) 
me- "13 weeks, with twins"  (simple answer?  WRONG!!!) 
lady- "Twins!?!?  Suzy come here, the baby momma's having twins."  (keep in mind these were two middle age white ladies)  "Suzy has 3 year old twin grandsons."
me- "Wow, that's great."
Suzy- "If you're only 13 weeks, how do you know you're having twins.  They don't do ultrasounds until like 20 weeks.  Were you getting too big too quick?"
me- "Nope, I had ivf done."
Suzy- "Oh."
Lady- "What's that?"
Linda- "She's infertile."  
my internal monologue- (This can't be seriously happening.  Can someone check my blood pressure?)
Suzy- "I hope you have a lot of help.  Twins are terrible.  I wouldn't wish twins on anyone."  (exits room)
Lady- "Wow, twins..."  (exits room)
Linda- "My cousin tried to have a baby for 7 years, but since there was nothing wrong with her or her husband they wouldn't help them.  Then they went on vacation and got pregnant.  My nephew, he's not really my nephew but I call him that, is almost 2.  Want to see a picture?  My cousin is pregnant again."
me- "Wow, that's great.  I hear that sometimes happens."
my internal monologue- (Can you please just draw my f-ing blood so I can go home?  Jamie went to the bakery for donuts and I'm hungry.)
Linda- showing me her phone, "Here he is.  Curly hair and green eyes.  He's gonna be hot when he grows up."
me- smile and nod, smile and nod
Linda- "So with ivf, they take your egg and his sperm, mix them together and put them back in?  That's good that worked."
me- "That's pretty much how it works, but there's a bit more to it.  It's not quite that easy.  You see, I had an ivf done last January and we had 14 embryos.  We put one in, but it didn't work.  Then I had to go on birth control for a cycle, hormones to get my body ready, then we put two more in in March.  (I walked her through it, but I won't bore you with those details.  Ultimately, new doctor, 2nd ivf, 2 in, both took)
Linda- "So you still have 7 left from your first thing.  Are they at home in your freezer?"
my internal monologue (Yup, right next to the Tombstone pizzas.  I want to go home, draw my blood.)
me- "No, they have to be kept really, really cold- cryopreservation." 
Linda- "I bet you could sell them and make a lot of money."
me- crickets.  crickets.  How do you respond to that?
Linda- "You know, like to someone that needs them?"
me- "Well, there's embryo adoption, but I don't know if you get paid for that."
Linda- "Egg donors get paid a lot of money.  How come?"
me- "Hmmm.  Well, it's very hard on your body.  Normally, you release one egg from one ovary every month.  They alternate sides.  When you get ready for ivf, like being an egg donor, you have to stimulate both ovaries.  I had close to 30 eggs.  That's very hard on your body.  You have to take lots of shots to get the eggs to develop.  It's also very painful to retreive the eggs."
Linda- "Your have to take shots???"
me- sigh "Yup, a lot of shots."
Linda- "Wow.  I didn't know that."

Our conversation went on quite a while longer, but I don't have the strength to continue right now.  It was like that episode of Seinfeld wen Elaine is in BizarroWorld- she finds a new Jerry, George,and Kramer.  (Kevin, Gene, and Feldman)  That's how I felt.  I'm still shaking my head over the whole encounter.

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