rewind: the happiest day of my life

I have so much to write about, but before I can talk about what's happening presently I first have to get caught up a bit.  So here goes - a recollection of the single happiest day of my life... 

Ok, step into my time machine, and let's all travel back to Tuesday, June 28.  I was 33 weeks pregnant and here's what I was looking like just prior to my weekly ob appointment:

33 week tummy shot

My blood pressure was high, but if you remember that's why I was hospitalized for a week in early June.  We were on bought time and hoping to keep the babies inside until 32 weeks, which we accomplished.  Since my bp was elevated and didn't come down when I laid on the exam room table for a bit, I was sent (with Jamie of course) back to Christ Hospital "to be monitored".  We had everything we needed in my bags.  We made our phone calls and I kissed Greta bye, knowing I wouldn't come home until the babies arrived.  I was instructed not to eat anything in case we had to do an emergency c-section. 

I was admitted and the babies were kept on monitors 24/7.  They were still looking fabulous, but I was dancing around with many borderline levels associated with pre-eclampsia.  We were taking it day by day.  I pleaded my case to my obs to keep the babies in as long as possible, as long as it was safe for them and for me.  On Friday, July 1, my ob planned the section for Tuesday, July 5, unless something happened sooner that required immediate action.  This put my babies at exactly 34 weeks gestation.  I was happy with this!

I was first on the docket for surgery July 5.  We jam.packed. the waiting room!  My mom, dad, Nick, Brooke, Jamie's mom and dad, brother, 2 sisters, my aunt, and my grandpa were all there.  My babies were going to be welcomed into this world with love beyond measure.  Here we are about an hour before my babies entered the world:

34 week tummy shot
about 1 hour before my babies made their grand entrance

Jamie was almost as nervous as I was, but beaming in his shirt!
about an hour before he met his playmates

Jamie put scrubs on over his new dad shirt.  I walked to the OR with my nurse and was given a numbing shot in my back, then a spinal.  It was so overwhelming.  There were so many people standing by- including 2 NICU teams, one for each baby.  My bp was off the charts, but my wonderful ob told everyone to ignore it.  He knows me well enough to know what was normal and how I respond to stress. I laid on the table and they put up a blue sheet so I couldn't see anything from my chest down.  Once I was numb, Dr. Flosi started working his magic; when things got going, they brought in Jamie.  I can't tell you how incredible my ob is... since we were going to be surprised, he let Jamie peek over the curtain to see the babies as they were born and *announce* if they were boys or girls!  I felt pressure and tugging and pulling, but no real pain.  Then Dr. Flosi told Jamie to have a look.  We were both already crying, but he stood up, took a quick peek, sat back down by me and said "It's a girl!"  A nurse announced her birth time of 8:34 am, and Flosi kept working.  More tugging, a bit harder pulling and pressure this time, Jamie was given the go ahead to peek, and when he sat back down, crying and smiling he told me "It's a boy!"  The nurse announce 8:35 am as his time of birth.  To my right I could see loads of people hustling about taking care of my daughter and my son.  I cried. 

Gabriella Margaret weighed 4 pounds 4 ounces and was 17 inches long.  She was actually my very active baby B, but was positioned transverse and therefore the first actual baby out.  Benjamin Ryan weighed 5 pounds 7 ounces and was 18.5 inches long.  My quiet, calm baby A, already a gentleman to let his sister go first. 

Gabriella's nurse brought her over for me to see and give kisses to before she was whisked away to the NICU.  She was beautiful and perfect and peaceful. 

Gabriella Margaret

Benjamin's nurse followed closely behind with him.  I kissed his sweet little face, too, before he left for the NICU.  He was just as perfect and oh, so handsome. 

Benjamin Ryan

They finished up on me, Jamie went to tell the fan club who the newest members of our family were, and I was off to recovery.  Jamie, one by one, scrubbed in with each of our family members so they could meet Gabriella and Benjamin.  After about an hour in recovery, on my way to my actual room, my bed was wheeled in to the NICU.  The babies were directly across from each other.  Later that night I got to go back in my wheelchair and visit.  It was then that I got to hold Gabriella for the first time.  I had to wait 11 days before I could hold my Benjamin, but we were able to hold his hands and touch him (most of the time). 

We are beyond blessed with two amazing babies.  My sweet little angels that I cried and prayed and begged for for years were finally here.  It was a long road to get them, and the journey has continued with unexpected twists and turns so far.  Some days it seems like they were just born- I remember every detail so clearly.  But other days, it seems like they have been part of our lives for so long- they just fit right in and complete our family so perfectly.

Gabriella was in the NICU for 14 days.  She had low billirubin levels and was on the phototherapy lights for much of the time.  She also had feeding issues- suck, swallow, breathe is a tough concept!  She was discharged on July 19th. 

Benjamin was in the NICU for 31 days; exactly 1 month.  We were ABO bloodtype incompatible and his red count was low, so he needed more plateletts the day after birth.  Breathing was very hard for him.  He was on CPAP, but needed to be intubated and put on a ventilator.  He was intubated for 11 days, came off for almost a day, but then was re-intubated for 6 more.  Apparently premature white boys have the worst time when it comes to respiratory issues.  In addition to preemie lungs, he had pneumonia, pulmonary hypertension, an open PDA valve, and a slight heart murmur (from open PDA).  He was discharged on August 5th and came home with oxygen and an apnea monitor, which we still have. 

On August 5th, Gabriella came with to the hospital to bring Benjamin home.  We needed two cars because I had to sit in the backseat with Benjamin, and let's face it...in a four door car with two rear facing car seats, this girl could not sit in the middle of them (I'd like to meet the person that could, by the way).  My dad, Benjamin, and I were in one car.  My mom, Gabriella, and Jamie were in another car.  Both babies had their beautiful newborn photos taken that day at the hospital.  We were able to take Benjamin's oxygen off very briefly for the photos.

my gentle giant

Last night we had to say good bye to Greta, our gentle giant.  Since March, I had told her to just let me know when she has had enough.  We were blessed with almost 6 more months from her diagnosis of osteosarcoma, which ended up getting to her lungs in July.  We could not, would not, ever let her suffer, and yesterday she let us know that it was time.  Earlier in the day, we took Benjamin and Gabriella for their first walk in the stroller.  Afterward, the babies spent the second half of the Bears game in the family room with her.  This was the first long field trip down there for Benjamin.  Greta had always been so gentle and loving with Gabriella, and Ben when she saw him.  At night time when the babies would cry and scream because we don't move fast enough, Greta would get up, walk over the the baby gate that kept her in the kitchen and family room, and plop down there- as close as she could get to them and us.  She has left an empty hole in my heart that will never be filled.  This house is just not the same.  At all.  Greta was the best friend I could have ever asked for. 

April 2, 2006 - September 11, 2011
until we meet again

I'm a mommy!

Gabriella Margaret and Benjamin Ryan were born at 34 weeks, via c section on July 5!  Yup, a perfect little girl and boy, born one minute apart.  They are amazing and instantly became my whole world.  I was hospitalized at my 33 week ob appointment, but we bought an extra week of development before my angels joined our family. 
I have so much to write about, but if I'm being honest, it'll probably never get blogged about.  Gabriella spent 14 days in the nicu, an Benjamin is still there (26 days today).  He was supposed to be discharged today, but he started desatting (again) so we'll see what tomorrow holds.

32 week celebration!

We have made it to 32 weeks!  I will be having Oreo pie from Baker's Square to celebrate!!! 

I got the results of my 24 hour collection from Sunday, and the protein level went down again.  I'm currently at 280, which is back in normal limits (<300).  My bp is ok, although when I look at my notebook, since Thursday each day it's crept up a bit.  Thursday we had 4 top number readings in the 120s, 1 in the 130s, and 1 in the 140s.  Today I've had 2 in the 130s and 2 in the 140s so far.  Clearly, there's a slight trend, but I showed my ob my book, he made copies of my pages, and didn't seem too concerned at this point.  Each day that the babies are inside babies is a blessing.  While I am certainly taking it one day at a time and am thankful for each day, I want a bigger goal to aim for, not just "get through tonight".  That being said, it has been repeated to me numerous times that for each day the babies stay in, it's about 3 less days in the nicu.  So, I figure on the conservative side, 3 days in is about 1 week less in the nicu, and while I want to make it through tonight, then tomorrow, then Thursday, and so on... I'll be doing a happy dance every 3 days.  I've got my sight set on Friday (32w3d). 

Despite having a growth ultrasound last Monday in the hospital, our regularly scheduled one is for Thursday, after my nst and bpp.  I'm so excited to see how much my SnuggleBugs will have grown in 10 days.  Baby A was 3lbs13oz and B was 3lbs7oz.  Baby A should certainly be over 4 pounds by then, and I'm hopeful that B is closing in on the 4 pound mark. 

Greta update

So while I was in the hospital,  Greta had another appointment for her cancer treatment last Monday.  It absolutely broke my heart that I couldn't go with and be there for her, but Jamie and my mom took good care of her.  We were halfway through chemo, and before they did round 4, they had to do a chest xray to see if the cancer had gotten to her lungs.  They also xrayed her right front arm (sight of origin) to see how things were looking there. 

Greta's chest and lungs are still crystal clear!  Her arm has not changed since the original xrays in March!  (This is a good thing- what's there is there and will not go away.  We just wanted to stop it from getting any bigger or spreading elsewhere.)  So, that being said, Gretty had her fourth round of chemo.  She goes back on July 5 for her last bone strengthening treatment (pomidronate) and round five of chemo.  Studies are showing that there may be a difference in pets that get 5 or 6 chemo sessions, so we are going for 6. 

My understanding is that once we are done with all treatments, we'd basically do a follow-up in a few months, unless we notice any changes before that.  While the radiation does "kill off" some cells, it is primarily for pain management.  If Greta started to really hurt and her pain pills just weren't cutting it, we could at some point do more radiation.  The catch there is that the second round only seems effective for half the time as the first round.  So, if Greta went 4 months before showing us she was hurting, the next round of radiation would likely only get her about 2 more months pain free.  It's a lot to consider, but for now we're celebrating her success! 

6 nights in lock up

Where do I begin?

I'm going to try my best to give the Cliff Notes version of my last week.  I may go back and add details later, but a week's worth of life is hard to completely relive.

Rewind to last Thursday, June 9.  At my nst and bpp, everything was going along fine, until they took my blood pressure.  It was up pretty high.  (might I add that it was elevated a bit at Monday's appt and at my md appt on Tues?)  We waited a bit and rechecked.  Still up.  The MFM got a hold of my OB and decided I should go to the hospital to have labs done and be monitored.  I cried.  I went home to meet up with Jamie and grab jammies and a few things "just in case".  I left it all in the car, though, as I didn't want to give them any ideas!

The babies continued to look great on the monitor, but my bp was climbing so they gave me a 100mg dose of Labetalol   (I was currently taking 100mg in the morning and 100mg at night).  They drew blood, and we waited.  The labs came back normal.  My bp wouldn't budge though.  They told be I could get dressed and go home around 8:30pm, so I got dressed and waited.  And waited.  And when the resident came in she informed us that I was going to be given betamethosone (a 2 round steroid shot to help speed up the babies' lung development).  The second shot would have to be given at the same time on Friday night.  I sort of sheepishly said, "No problem, I'll come back for the second one tomorrow night," as I smiled at her.  Oh, no, no.  I was being admitted because of my blood pressure.  They gave me yet another 100mg of Labetalol.  Jamie called our families and then went to get food for me.  I got the shot in my arm, and lemme tell ya- it hurt like hell.  It was a 22 gauge intramuscular deal, and you'd think that a girl who underwent 2 ivfs and a total of 5 transfers would be an old pro with shots, but that wasn't quite the case.  It hurt and it burned long after it was administered.  But with the 'roids now in my system, perhaps we'll have some sort of SUPER BABIES!  =)

So, I was admitted on Thursday night and didn't get discharged until Wednesday afternoon.  I did a 24 hour urine collection to check for protein on Friday, which came back at 302.  Below 300 is normal.  300-5,000 is abnormal.  Above 5,000 is severe and dangerous.  I repeated the collection on Sunday, and the protein went up to 336.  They were looking for a trend to see how quickly it was accelerating.  My ob wanted a repeat on Tuesday.  When I got the results on Wednesday, that was one of the deciding factors that I could go home, it dropped to 305.  I cried every single day I was there.  I had a lot of incredible nurses and only one crappy one who I demanded not be assigned to me again.  I got so many mixed signals from residents and doctors it made my head spin.  They explained to us how very important it would be to keep my little ones inside until 32 weeks (which is this upcoming Tuesday).  Many of the complications with preemies drop a great deal at this gestational age.  One of my obs said on Sunday that he was hoping I could keep them in for 1 maybe 2 more weeks before we'd have to get them out.  Now that my bp is under control (thanks to 900mg of Labetalol!!!  300mg, 3x a day) and my protein appears to be ok (at least for right now) and I I have no swelling or pain, maybe, just maybe I can carry my babies a little bit closer to term. 

On Saturday, we had gotten a tour of the nicu and were pointed out babies at different gestationsl ages because "it can be a bit alarming".  Seeing the nicu was very reassuring, but it made me pretty sad to thin how long my babies *could/ might* be in there.  But I know that that would be the very best place for them if being inside of me was no longer an option.  I get it.  It was just overwhelming and difficult to swallow. 

Ok, so for now I'm at home.  I have my list of IF __________, THEN YOU COME BACK.  IF _______, CALL YOUR OB.  I check my bp every few hours and it has held steady and been pretty good.  I realize that the medicine is just masking the problem and buying us some time, but that's ok.  I was also told not to panic if I end up having to come back, even if it's just for a night or two.  I started repacking my bag so this time I'll be ready, and not ahve to give Jamie lists every single day of what I need.  We're even throwing stuff for him inthe bag, because I'm hoping that the next time we go, in like 2 or 3 or 4  more weeks!!!, it'll be to have babies.

I know that there is so much more I want to share about my experience, but a lot of it is a blur in the aftermath.  If anything else meaningful pops into my head, I'll add it as a separate, add on post, otherwise, this is the gist of it.
For every one day I can keep my SnuggleBugs inside, it's about 3 days less that they'll need in the nicu.  So, here I am at 31w3d and going strong, just taking it one day at a time.  While 32 weeks is a big milestone and goal for us, I'm already so much better off today than I was at this time last Friday.  Each day is it's own goal that I'm thankful for and a celebration!

tummy shot: 29w2d

A new tummy shot has been a long time coming, so here we are:

How far along? 29 weeks and 2 days
Weight gain: 13 pounds- I somehow lost a pound at the ob office from my 27 week appointment

Maternity clothes? all the time

Stretch marks? I think there might be the beginning of a small one...

Sleep?  Umm, not so much.  About 45-60 minutes at a time each night, sometimes just waking up for 19 pee breaks, other times I'll be up anywhere from 1-2 hours a couple of times

Belly button in or out? still in, but it's more shallow and maybe smaller than before

Movement?  Oh yeah, all of the time.  Especially at night, when I'm hungry, or about 20 minutes after ice cream or a slushy

Cravings? slushies/slurpees - blue is the best!