I have this habit of viewing time in relative terms, which if fun when you're anticipating something but can be a downer when you're looking back. Like vacations - my mind works like this *one week from today we'll be going on rides at the Magic Kingdom* OR *this time last week we were watching the sunset in Maui* (for example).
I've got a few posts to catch up on: we got our Saint Bernard puppy back in May; Benjamin qualified for physical therapy services through Early Intervention; party planning for the big birthday bash. But in the meantime, here's what's on my heart right now...
One year ago today I was 33 weeks pregnant and sent to the hospital because of my blood pressure. I remember the details of that night so vividly. It seems like it just happened, but at the same time it feels like Gabriella and Benjamin have been with us forever. My ob instructed me not to eat and head straight for Christ Hospital, just in case they had to pull the babies. I remember that the babies kept falling off of the monitors all.night.long no matter which way I slept. I remember in the morning how my heart raced and my bp sky-rocketed when the mean maternal fetal medicine doc that I had during the first week I was in entered my room to go over things with me. He was just as mean this time around. Looking back, I wish I would have filed a complaint. Or demanded a different doctor. Or something. But I guess the bottom line is, he was part of the team that kept me and my babies safe, so for that I am grateful.
I have been playing back *one year ago today* all day and I continue to be just flooded with emotions. I cry a lot. I look at my sweet babies and just thank God for them. I still feel pangs sadness for everything that my babies went through in the NICU, especially Benjamin. I still feel like I was robbed of part of the picture perfect scenes that all mommas-to-be envision, water breaking, holding a newborn, rooming in, beaming as I held my newborns when we were discharged days later. That just wash't our story. I accept that. I am grateful that we have our own happy story to share even if it wasn't a typical, run of the mill type of event.
One year ago today I was scared silly that my babies were going to be born too soon. I was terrified of having a stroke or seizures. But I was also blessed to be pregnant with two healthy babies. I was happy to just take it day by day and keep them in as long as it was safe for all three of us. I was excited to meet my snuggle bugs very soon.
I was thankful for everything God had given me; and some things will never change.
Showing posts with label hospital. Show all posts
Showing posts with label hospital. Show all posts
Thursday, June 28, 2012
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
shut up stupid brain
Dear stupid brain,
Why do you wait until I'm trying to sleep to start working for the day? Why do you take that opportunity to think and over-think every little detail of my life? Why do you make me relive moments that I'd rather put behind me? Why am I dwelling on the stupid maternal fetal doctor that was mean to me BOTH times I was admitted to the hospital? All I keep thinking is I should have handled the situations with Dr. Suarez differently. I wish I had the gumption to have kicked him out of my room. But I guess, ultimately, my own feelings and emotions and pride was put aside for my babies. Do what you want, say what you want to me, but just let me know my babies are ok... perhaps this was why I dealt with him like I did.
But seriously, I'd like to go to sleep since my babies are both sleeping (for a few hours already). Please turn off brain. I'll pick up all of my worries in the morning. I promise I'll resume right where I'm leaving off. I'll worry about money and bills. I'll worry about keeping my babies safe and healthy. I'll feel anxious and cry about the thought of something happening to me and my babies not remembering much about me. I'll try to think of a way to make money without returning to work full time. I'll beat myself up for not being a better housewife and keeping up with chores. I'll regret the peanut M&Ms I devoured tonight and berate myself for not having more self-control. I'll pick all of it, and more, right back up in the morning. Just let me rest peacefully now.
Thanks in advance for your cooperation.
Why do you wait until I'm trying to sleep to start working for the day? Why do you take that opportunity to think and over-think every little detail of my life? Why do you make me relive moments that I'd rather put behind me? Why am I dwelling on the stupid maternal fetal doctor that was mean to me BOTH times I was admitted to the hospital? All I keep thinking is I should have handled the situations with Dr. Suarez differently. I wish I had the gumption to have kicked him out of my room. But I guess, ultimately, my own feelings and emotions and pride was put aside for my babies. Do what you want, say what you want to me, but just let me know my babies are ok... perhaps this was why I dealt with him like I did.
But seriously, I'd like to go to sleep since my babies are both sleeping (for a few hours already). Please turn off brain. I'll pick up all of my worries in the morning. I promise I'll resume right where I'm leaving off. I'll worry about money and bills. I'll worry about keeping my babies safe and healthy. I'll feel anxious and cry about the thought of something happening to me and my babies not remembering much about me. I'll try to think of a way to make money without returning to work full time. I'll beat myself up for not being a better housewife and keeping up with chores. I'll regret the peanut M&Ms I devoured tonight and berate myself for not having more self-control. I'll pick all of it, and more, right back up in the morning. Just let me rest peacefully now.
Thanks in advance for your cooperation.
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
lights and sirens for Gabriella
Gabriella's acid reflux was under control for about 6 weeks. This foolish mommy thought we were past that stage. I was wrong. In the last week and a half she had a few episodes - screaming out (it's a different scream than any other sound she makes), arching, white sour smelling acid coming out of her nose and mouth, red face... I called her pediatrician last week, they adjusted her zantac and prilosec, and said if there wasn't much improvement to call this week and bring her in.
This morning I woke up with Benjamin around 6:30, fed him, put him back to sleep, pumped, and then was messing around on the computer for a few minutes. Gabriella screamed. I ran.
She was deep red, head bent back, arching, white acid streaming from her nose and mouth. I scooped up her rigid little body and firmly patted her back. Her eyes went wide open, glazed over, and breathing stopped.
I started back blows for a few seconds and then felt the need to call 911. While I was on the line with the call center - after about 10 or 12 seconds - Gabriella started breathing again. The paramedics still came out to assess her (she was her normal self and smiling when they arrived) and decided she needed to be checked to make sure she didn't aspirate any fluid into her lungs, which could lead to pneumonia.
I called my mom; she left school to stay with Benjamin. Jamie left work to meet us at the hospital. I got her loaded up in her car seat, which was strapped onto the stretcher, and off we went... lights, sirens, the whole she-bang.
After not even an hour at the hospital, we were discharged. Her body did what is considered normal while choking. Breathing stops to protect itself from aspiration. While I won't have an itchy trigger finger with the medics, I also won't hesitate if I think a reflux episode is escalating quickly. One of the paramedics said "time is tissue", meaning the longer one goes without oxygen the more tissue can be damaged.
We have insurance. Anything that's not covered we can be billed for. Just put it on my tab!
Gabriella spent a lot of the day sleeping. I think all of the excitement really drained her. She's doing great now. We follow up with her pediatrician tomorrow, which also happens to be Benjamin's weight check since we started him on his calorie boosted food. Who would have thoguht that he'd be our "easy" baby? It's always something over here.
This morning I woke up with Benjamin around 6:30, fed him, put him back to sleep, pumped, and then was messing around on the computer for a few minutes. Gabriella screamed. I ran.
She was deep red, head bent back, arching, white acid streaming from her nose and mouth. I scooped up her rigid little body and firmly patted her back. Her eyes went wide open, glazed over, and breathing stopped.
I started back blows for a few seconds and then felt the need to call 911. While I was on the line with the call center - after about 10 or 12 seconds - Gabriella started breathing again. The paramedics still came out to assess her (she was her normal self and smiling when they arrived) and decided she needed to be checked to make sure she didn't aspirate any fluid into her lungs, which could lead to pneumonia.
I called my mom; she left school to stay with Benjamin. Jamie left work to meet us at the hospital. I got her loaded up in her car seat, which was strapped onto the stretcher, and off we went... lights, sirens, the whole she-bang.
After not even an hour at the hospital, we were discharged. Her body did what is considered normal while choking. Breathing stops to protect itself from aspiration. While I won't have an itchy trigger finger with the medics, I also won't hesitate if I think a reflux episode is escalating quickly. One of the paramedics said "time is tissue", meaning the longer one goes without oxygen the more tissue can be damaged.
We have insurance. Anything that's not covered we can be billed for. Just put it on my tab!
Gabriella spent a lot of the day sleeping. I think all of the excitement really drained her. She's doing great now. We follow up with her pediatrician tomorrow, which also happens to be Benjamin's weight check since we started him on his calorie boosted food. Who would have thoguht that he'd be our "easy" baby? It's always something over here.
Friday, October 21, 2011
a living nightmare on Monday
Gabriella was admitted to Children's Memorial on Monday. Everything was set for a very routine, uneventful 24 hour stay to have her monitored as she started Propranolol to treat her hemangioma. The cardiologist assured me that they are just being super conservative with the monitoring, EKG, echo, and holter monitor preliminary stuff that was done. She would get 2 half doses (2 pm, 8pm) and 2 full doses (6 am, noon). After the noon dose she'd be watched for two hours and then we'd be discharged.
My dad took off of work on Monday and Tuesday to stay with Benjamin. Jamie took off Monday to get us downtown, but would go to work on Tuesday. As an electrician, if you don't work, you don't get paid- there's no sick time or vacation days. He stayed with us until night-time, gave us kisses good bye, and left.
I put my jammies on and was getting ready to call it a night. I knew it was going to be a long night because the nurses were coming in every four hours for vitals. Gabriella was a bit fussy and restless. As she turned her head, I got a look at the hemangioma on the back of her head and there was already a difference in it after just two small doses! It was 11 pm. I texted Jamie, my parents, Nick, and Brooke to let them know. I hit send and put my phone down because Gabriella was starting to fuss. I was trying to avoid letting her scream because we had a roommate that I didn't want to wake up.
I put the burp cloth on my left shoulder and picked her up. She screamed and went stiff, so I knew her acid reflux was causing some pain so I started patting her back. She arched back in my arms and I saw her face- her eyes were huge, unblinking, and glazed over. I started hitting her pretty hard and just kept saying "come on Gabriella.". She was turning red. I flipped her face down and started doing back blows between her shoulder blades a few times. I flipped her back up and she was dark red going on purple, eyes the same, still stiff. I was loudly telling her to breathe- I wanted our roommate or someone to hear what was going on. I flipped her facedown and frantically grabbed the remote to call the nurse.
When I heard "Can I help you?" I replied with "my baby is refluxing and isn't breathing". 4 nurses came in seconds later. I asked if I should lay her down or hold her. They told me to hold her and once they saw her one called for deep suction and told another to get a bag to start bagging her with oxygen. Suction did not work. Gabriella was purple and her mouth was turning blue. They told me to put her down, and a nurse called Code. I got out of the way as they began CPR on my baby. A nurse stayed with me and asked if I wanted to sit down in the room or leave. I moved toward the chair and said outloud "Jesus Christ, please save my baby." I looked at her little body laying there on the bed, purple and unresponsive- her heart rate was 58 the last time I saw the monitor. I looked at the nurse next to me and said "please save my baby." She said "we'll do everything we can to save her." Not- she'll be fine. Not- don't be crazy. We'll do everything we can to save her. At that moment it was crystal clear to me that I might lose my daughter. In about five seconds I thought, how can I tell everyone that Gabriella is gone, all I'll have of her are pictures, she was baptized just the day before, crazy stuff like this happens to people all of the time- a healthy baby in for monitoring and her world comes crashing down.
The Code team came rushing in. There had to be at least 15 more people in the hall, entryway, and bedside. I couldn't breathe. My mouth went dry. My heart pounded. I shook. I couldn't even pray. I told myself to start praying but I couldn't. A very nice older nurse that was part of the Code team stood by me with her hand on my back. After what seemed like an eternity but was really just a few minutes I heard someone say her heartrate was coming up. Her color was coming back. I heard Gabriella throw up and then start coughing. The nurse next to me repeated all of this to me several times, saying she's ok- her heartrate is coming up. Gabriella started crying and crying and I thought to myself that was the most beautiful sound ever.
I told the nurse next to me that I needed my husband, Jamie, to come up. She took down the phone number to call him. He didn't answer. I gave her his cell number. He didn't answer. I had her call my parents, my mom answered, drove to our house, and stayed with Benjamin. I was somewhat listening to all of the talk in the room around me. Several times I heard that "she went brady", meaning bradycardia. Her heartrate dropped down to 40. It sent even more shivvers through me to hear about "when she was resuscitated" and "during resuscitation." We were moved to pediatric intensive care. Jamie arrived a little after midnight.
The whole episode was a result of her reflux. The doctors proceeded very cautiously regarding the Propranolol. We stopped altogether Tuesday. Wednesday she got half of the inital amount from Monday for two doses and then an increase at night. Thursday was the same as the night before ad then the full dose two times before we could go home. Propranolol would not have caused such an acute episode that resolved so quickly. If it was going to effect her heart (as it is a heart medicine), it would have dropped it slowly over a few hours and it would have taken just as long to come back up as the medicine left her body.
By the grace of God we were where we were on Monday night. The outcome may have been very different if we had been at home. But all that matters at this point is that she's ok and she's home.
My dad took off of work on Monday and Tuesday to stay with Benjamin. Jamie took off Monday to get us downtown, but would go to work on Tuesday. As an electrician, if you don't work, you don't get paid- there's no sick time or vacation days. He stayed with us until night-time, gave us kisses good bye, and left.
I put my jammies on and was getting ready to call it a night. I knew it was going to be a long night because the nurses were coming in every four hours for vitals. Gabriella was a bit fussy and restless. As she turned her head, I got a look at the hemangioma on the back of her head and there was already a difference in it after just two small doses! It was 11 pm. I texted Jamie, my parents, Nick, and Brooke to let them know. I hit send and put my phone down because Gabriella was starting to fuss. I was trying to avoid letting her scream because we had a roommate that I didn't want to wake up.
I put the burp cloth on my left shoulder and picked her up. She screamed and went stiff, so I knew her acid reflux was causing some pain so I started patting her back. She arched back in my arms and I saw her face- her eyes were huge, unblinking, and glazed over. I started hitting her pretty hard and just kept saying "come on Gabriella.". She was turning red. I flipped her face down and started doing back blows between her shoulder blades a few times. I flipped her back up and she was dark red going on purple, eyes the same, still stiff. I was loudly telling her to breathe- I wanted our roommate or someone to hear what was going on. I flipped her facedown and frantically grabbed the remote to call the nurse.
When I heard "Can I help you?" I replied with "my baby is refluxing and isn't breathing". 4 nurses came in seconds later. I asked if I should lay her down or hold her. They told me to hold her and once they saw her one called for deep suction and told another to get a bag to start bagging her with oxygen. Suction did not work. Gabriella was purple and her mouth was turning blue. They told me to put her down, and a nurse called Code. I got out of the way as they began CPR on my baby. A nurse stayed with me and asked if I wanted to sit down in the room or leave. I moved toward the chair and said outloud "Jesus Christ, please save my baby." I looked at her little body laying there on the bed, purple and unresponsive- her heart rate was 58 the last time I saw the monitor. I looked at the nurse next to me and said "please save my baby." She said "we'll do everything we can to save her." Not- she'll be fine. Not- don't be crazy. We'll do everything we can to save her. At that moment it was crystal clear to me that I might lose my daughter. In about five seconds I thought, how can I tell everyone that Gabriella is gone, all I'll have of her are pictures, she was baptized just the day before, crazy stuff like this happens to people all of the time- a healthy baby in for monitoring and her world comes crashing down.
The Code team came rushing in. There had to be at least 15 more people in the hall, entryway, and bedside. I couldn't breathe. My mouth went dry. My heart pounded. I shook. I couldn't even pray. I told myself to start praying but I couldn't. A very nice older nurse that was part of the Code team stood by me with her hand on my back. After what seemed like an eternity but was really just a few minutes I heard someone say her heartrate was coming up. Her color was coming back. I heard Gabriella throw up and then start coughing. The nurse next to me repeated all of this to me several times, saying she's ok- her heartrate is coming up. Gabriella started crying and crying and I thought to myself that was the most beautiful sound ever.
I told the nurse next to me that I needed my husband, Jamie, to come up. She took down the phone number to call him. He didn't answer. I gave her his cell number. He didn't answer. I had her call my parents, my mom answered, drove to our house, and stayed with Benjamin. I was somewhat listening to all of the talk in the room around me. Several times I heard that "she went brady", meaning bradycardia. Her heartrate dropped down to 40. It sent even more shivvers through me to hear about "when she was resuscitated" and "during resuscitation." We were moved to pediatric intensive care. Jamie arrived a little after midnight.
The whole episode was a result of her reflux. The doctors proceeded very cautiously regarding the Propranolol. We stopped altogether Tuesday. Wednesday she got half of the inital amount from Monday for two doses and then an increase at night. Thursday was the same as the night before ad then the full dose two times before we could go home. Propranolol would not have caused such an acute episode that resolved so quickly. If it was going to effect her heart (as it is a heart medicine), it would have dropped it slowly over a few hours and it would have taken just as long to come back up as the medicine left her body.
By the grace of God we were where we were on Monday night. The outcome may have been very different if we had been at home. But all that matters at this point is that she's ok and she's home.
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
hemangiomas
When Gabriella was being discharged from the NICU we noticed a smallish, flat red mark on her left side. As we had never seen it and it was never mentioned to us, a resident came over to make sure it wasn't an injury or irritation from any equipment. Turns out it was just a birthmark. A strawberry hemangioma, to be exact. Babies can be born with them or develop them in the days/weeks/months after birth. This type of birthmark is a non-malignant growth, made up of a gathering of red blood vessels. They typically will double or triple in size and are usually done growing somewhere between 9 months and 3 years. They will then stabilze and slowly shrink back down. From what I've read and been told a few risk factors for a baby having them are being caucasion girls, a multiple gestation, high levels of maternal estrogen, maternal high blood pressure, and pre-eclampsia. (Benjamin has a very small one on the top of his head that started about a month ago.)
Two weeks later, we noticed one on the back of her head. This one has gotten very large, very quickly and is pretty elevated. Hers has a very smooth surface and is almost perfectly round. Size-wise it's about 3 cm by 2.5 cm. The one on her side is not that big or as elevated, but has still gotten quite a bit bigger from it's starting point. That one is more irregularly shaped and has a slightly bumpy texture, like the one pictued if you clicked the link. I was super concerned because Gabriella seems to not want to lay her head straigh back on it, and she definitely prefers to look left to begin with. Well, with everything else we have going on, I'd really like to not have either kid get a flat spot that requires a helmet! I had read about different treatment options, but our initial pediatrician assured me there was no need, just let nature take it's course. I guess hemangeomas are not normally treated unless they might interfere with the quality of a baby's life (obstructing ears, nose, eyes, mouth, etc) or are very large on the face. Well. there are four different pediatricians in the practice that the babies go to; there's one I really, really like, so for well visits we can request her. She met Gabriella for the first time at thier two month well baby check and immediately suggested we see a pediatric dermatologist at Children's Memorial Hospital. I jumped at the suggestion, but the soonest they could get us in was the end of October.
Low and behold, I called out of the blue last Wednesday to check for cancellations, and there was one for the very next day, so we took it. The derm agreed that Gabriella was a good candidate for treatment. The route she recommended was a cardiac medicine called Propranolol. It's not yet approved by the FDA for treating hemangiomas, but is apparently used worldwide with great effectiveness. Gabriella had an electrocardiogram last week, had to wear a Holter monitor for 24 hours to track her heart activity, and is on a list for a bed at Children's. Once cardiology clears her Holter results and a bed is available, she'll be admitted for 24 hours. They'll then do an ECHO (ultrasound of the heart), and administer 3 doses of the medicine, once every 8 hours. As long as those three doses go smoothly and her heart rate, blood sugar, and potassium levels don't drop, we'd be sent home on the medicine and likely continue it for a year. Her hair will still grow through the birthmark once it flattens; she won't have a bald spot.
We should hear from cardiology any day now, and then we are just waiting for a bed. In the packet of information they gave us it stated that we'll be in a semi-private room but will not be placed with a child that is contagious. It also went on to say that our child will likely be the healthiest baby on the floor. Yup, right there in black and white, we got a reality check to ensure that we keep things in perspective, which makes me pause and think back on our NICU time. I could write several posts about things that went on around me during the month that we were there, and one day I might. Let me just wrap up by saying that Jamie and I are beyond blessed to have been able to bring two beautiful babies home from the hospital. We witnessed several cases where that was not how they ended. In just a 24 hour stay at Children's, we won't get to know anyone like we did at the NICU, but I will remember that as serious as this is for us, I will be in a place with mommies that would give anything to "just" be dealing with our situation and be able to bring home a healthy baby.
Two weeks later, we noticed one on the back of her head. This one has gotten very large, very quickly and is pretty elevated. Hers has a very smooth surface and is almost perfectly round. Size-wise it's about 3 cm by 2.5 cm. The one on her side is not that big or as elevated, but has still gotten quite a bit bigger from it's starting point. That one is more irregularly shaped and has a slightly bumpy texture, like the one pictued if you clicked the link. I was super concerned because Gabriella seems to not want to lay her head straigh back on it, and she definitely prefers to look left to begin with. Well, with everything else we have going on, I'd really like to not have either kid get a flat spot that requires a helmet! I had read about different treatment options, but our initial pediatrician assured me there was no need, just let nature take it's course. I guess hemangeomas are not normally treated unless they might interfere with the quality of a baby's life (obstructing ears, nose, eyes, mouth, etc) or are very large on the face. Well. there are four different pediatricians in the practice that the babies go to; there's one I really, really like, so for well visits we can request her. She met Gabriella for the first time at thier two month well baby check and immediately suggested we see a pediatric dermatologist at Children's Memorial Hospital. I jumped at the suggestion, but the soonest they could get us in was the end of October.
Low and behold, I called out of the blue last Wednesday to check for cancellations, and there was one for the very next day, so we took it. The derm agreed that Gabriella was a good candidate for treatment. The route she recommended was a cardiac medicine called Propranolol. It's not yet approved by the FDA for treating hemangiomas, but is apparently used worldwide with great effectiveness. Gabriella had an electrocardiogram last week, had to wear a Holter monitor for 24 hours to track her heart activity, and is on a list for a bed at Children's. Once cardiology clears her Holter results and a bed is available, she'll be admitted for 24 hours. They'll then do an ECHO (ultrasound of the heart), and administer 3 doses of the medicine, once every 8 hours. As long as those three doses go smoothly and her heart rate, blood sugar, and potassium levels don't drop, we'd be sent home on the medicine and likely continue it for a year. Her hair will still grow through the birthmark once it flattens; she won't have a bald spot.
We should hear from cardiology any day now, and then we are just waiting for a bed. In the packet of information they gave us it stated that we'll be in a semi-private room but will not be placed with a child that is contagious. It also went on to say that our child will likely be the healthiest baby on the floor. Yup, right there in black and white, we got a reality check to ensure that we keep things in perspective, which makes me pause and think back on our NICU time. I could write several posts about things that went on around me during the month that we were there, and one day I might. Let me just wrap up by saying that Jamie and I are beyond blessed to have been able to bring two beautiful babies home from the hospital. We witnessed several cases where that was not how they ended. In just a 24 hour stay at Children's, we won't get to know anyone like we did at the NICU, but I will remember that as serious as this is for us, I will be in a place with mommies that would give anything to "just" be dealing with our situation and be able to bring home a healthy baby.
Sunday, October 2, 2011
rewind: the happiest day of my life
I have so much to write about, but before I can talk about what's happening presently I first have to get caught up a bit. So here goes - a recollection of the single happiest day of my life...
Ok, step into my time machine, and let's all travel back to Tuesday, June 28. I was 33 weeks pregnant and here's what I was looking like just prior to my weekly ob appointment:
My blood pressure was high, but if you remember that's why I was hospitalized for a week in early June. We were on bought time and hoping to keep the babies inside until 32 weeks, which we accomplished. Since my bp was elevated and didn't come down when I laid on the exam room table for a bit, I was sent (with Jamie of course) back to Christ Hospital "to be monitored". We had everything we needed in my bags. We made our phone calls and I kissed Greta bye, knowing I wouldn't come home until the babies arrived. I was instructed not to eat anything in case we had to do an emergency c-section.
I was admitted and the babies were kept on monitors 24/7. They were still looking fabulous, but I was dancing around with many borderline levels associated with pre-eclampsia. We were taking it day by day. I pleaded my case to my obs to keep the babies in as long as possible, as long as it was safe for them and for me. On Friday, July 1, my ob planned the section for Tuesday, July 5, unless something happened sooner that required immediate action. This put my babies at exactly 34 weeks gestation. I was happy with this!
I was first on the docket for surgery July 5. We jam.packed. the waiting room! My mom, dad, Nick, Brooke, Jamie's mom and dad, brother, 2 sisters, my aunt, and my grandpa were all there. My babies were going to be welcomed into this world with love beyond measure. Here we are about an hour before my babies entered the world:
Jamie put scrubs on over his new dad shirt. I walked to the OR with my nurse and was given a numbing shot in my back, then a spinal. It was so overwhelming. There were so many people standing by- including 2 NICU teams, one for each baby. My bp was off the charts, but my wonderful ob told everyone to ignore it. He knows me well enough to know what was normal and how I respond to stress. I laid on the table and they put up a blue sheet so I couldn't see anything from my chest down. Once I was numb, Dr. Flosi started working his magic; when things got going, they brought in Jamie. I can't tell you how incredible my ob is... since we were going to be surprised, he let Jamie peek over the curtain to see the babies as they were born and *announce* if they were boys or girls! I felt pressure and tugging and pulling, but no real pain. Then Dr. Flosi told Jamie to have a look. We were both already crying, but he stood up, took a quick peek, sat back down by me and said "It's a girl!" A nurse announced her birth time of 8:34 am, and Flosi kept working. More tugging, a bit harder pulling and pressure this time, Jamie was given the go ahead to peek, and when he sat back down, crying and smiling he told me "It's a boy!" The nurse announce 8:35 am as his time of birth. To my right I could see loads of people hustling about taking care of my daughter and my son. I cried.
Gabriella Margaret weighed 4 pounds 4 ounces and was 17 inches long. She was actually my very active baby B, but was positioned transverse and therefore the first actual baby out. Benjamin Ryan weighed 5 pounds 7 ounces and was 18.5 inches long. My quiet, calm baby A, already a gentleman to let his sister go first.
Gabriella's nurse brought her over for me to see and give kisses to before she was whisked away to the NICU. She was beautiful and perfect and peaceful.
Benjamin's nurse followed closely behind with him. I kissed his sweet little face, too, before he left for the NICU. He was just as perfect and oh, so handsome.
They finished up on me, Jamie went to tell the fan club who the newest members of our family were, and I was off to recovery. Jamie, one by one, scrubbed in with each of our family members so they could meet Gabriella and Benjamin. After about an hour in recovery, on my way to my actual room, my bed was wheeled in to the NICU. The babies were directly across from each other. Later that night I got to go back in my wheelchair and visit. It was then that I got to hold Gabriella for the first time. I had to wait 11 days before I could hold my Benjamin, but we were able to hold his hands and touch him (most of the time).
We are beyond blessed with two amazing babies. My sweet little angels that I cried and prayed and begged for for years were finally here. It was a long road to get them, and the journey has continued with unexpected twists and turns so far. Some days it seems like they were just born- I remember every detail so clearly. But other days, it seems like they have been part of our lives for so long- they just fit right in and complete our family so perfectly.
Gabriella was in the NICU for 14 days. She had low billirubin levels and was on the phototherapy lights for much of the time. She also had feeding issues- suck, swallow, breathe is a tough concept! She was discharged on July 19th.
Benjamin was in the NICU for 31 days; exactly 1 month. We were ABO bloodtype incompatible and his red count was low, so he needed more plateletts the day after birth. Breathing was very hard for him. He was on CPAP, but needed to be intubated and put on a ventilator. He was intubated for 11 days, came off for almost a day, but then was re-intubated for 6 more. Apparently premature white boys have the worst time when it comes to respiratory issues. In addition to preemie lungs, he had pneumonia, pulmonary hypertension, an open PDA valve, and a slight heart murmur (from open PDA). He was discharged on August 5th and came home with oxygen and an apnea monitor, which we still have.
On August 5th, Gabriella came with to the hospital to bring Benjamin home. We needed two cars because I had to sit in the backseat with Benjamin, and let's face it...in a four door car with two rear facing car seats, this girl could not sit in the middle of them (I'd like to meet the person that could, by the way). My dad, Benjamin, and I were in one car. My mom, Gabriella, and Jamie were in another car. Both babies had their beautiful newborn photos taken that day at the hospital. We were able to take Benjamin's oxygen off very briefly for the photos.
Ok, step into my time machine, and let's all travel back to Tuesday, June 28. I was 33 weeks pregnant and here's what I was looking like just prior to my weekly ob appointment:
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| 33 week tummy shot |
My blood pressure was high, but if you remember that's why I was hospitalized for a week in early June. We were on bought time and hoping to keep the babies inside until 32 weeks, which we accomplished. Since my bp was elevated and didn't come down when I laid on the exam room table for a bit, I was sent (with Jamie of course) back to Christ Hospital "to be monitored". We had everything we needed in my bags. We made our phone calls and I kissed Greta bye, knowing I wouldn't come home until the babies arrived. I was instructed not to eat anything in case we had to do an emergency c-section.
I was admitted and the babies were kept on monitors 24/7. They were still looking fabulous, but I was dancing around with many borderline levels associated with pre-eclampsia. We were taking it day by day. I pleaded my case to my obs to keep the babies in as long as possible, as long as it was safe for them and for me. On Friday, July 1, my ob planned the section for Tuesday, July 5, unless something happened sooner that required immediate action. This put my babies at exactly 34 weeks gestation. I was happy with this!
I was first on the docket for surgery July 5. We jam.packed. the waiting room! My mom, dad, Nick, Brooke, Jamie's mom and dad, brother, 2 sisters, my aunt, and my grandpa were all there. My babies were going to be welcomed into this world with love beyond measure. Here we are about an hour before my babies entered the world:
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| 34 week tummy shot about 1 hour before my babies made their grand entrance |
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| Jamie was almost as nervous as I was, but beaming in his shirt! about an hour before he met his playmates |
Jamie put scrubs on over his new dad shirt. I walked to the OR with my nurse and was given a numbing shot in my back, then a spinal. It was so overwhelming. There were so many people standing by- including 2 NICU teams, one for each baby. My bp was off the charts, but my wonderful ob told everyone to ignore it. He knows me well enough to know what was normal and how I respond to stress. I laid on the table and they put up a blue sheet so I couldn't see anything from my chest down. Once I was numb, Dr. Flosi started working his magic; when things got going, they brought in Jamie. I can't tell you how incredible my ob is... since we were going to be surprised, he let Jamie peek over the curtain to see the babies as they were born and *announce* if they were boys or girls! I felt pressure and tugging and pulling, but no real pain. Then Dr. Flosi told Jamie to have a look. We were both already crying, but he stood up, took a quick peek, sat back down by me and said "It's a girl!" A nurse announced her birth time of 8:34 am, and Flosi kept working. More tugging, a bit harder pulling and pressure this time, Jamie was given the go ahead to peek, and when he sat back down, crying and smiling he told me "It's a boy!" The nurse announce 8:35 am as his time of birth. To my right I could see loads of people hustling about taking care of my daughter and my son. I cried.
Gabriella Margaret weighed 4 pounds 4 ounces and was 17 inches long. She was actually my very active baby B, but was positioned transverse and therefore the first actual baby out. Benjamin Ryan weighed 5 pounds 7 ounces and was 18.5 inches long. My quiet, calm baby A, already a gentleman to let his sister go first.
Gabriella's nurse brought her over for me to see and give kisses to before she was whisked away to the NICU. She was beautiful and perfect and peaceful.
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| Gabriella Margaret |
Benjamin's nurse followed closely behind with him. I kissed his sweet little face, too, before he left for the NICU. He was just as perfect and oh, so handsome.
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| Benjamin Ryan |
They finished up on me, Jamie went to tell the fan club who the newest members of our family were, and I was off to recovery. Jamie, one by one, scrubbed in with each of our family members so they could meet Gabriella and Benjamin. After about an hour in recovery, on my way to my actual room, my bed was wheeled in to the NICU. The babies were directly across from each other. Later that night I got to go back in my wheelchair and visit. It was then that I got to hold Gabriella for the first time. I had to wait 11 days before I could hold my Benjamin, but we were able to hold his hands and touch him (most of the time).
We are beyond blessed with two amazing babies. My sweet little angels that I cried and prayed and begged for for years were finally here. It was a long road to get them, and the journey has continued with unexpected twists and turns so far. Some days it seems like they were just born- I remember every detail so clearly. But other days, it seems like they have been part of our lives for so long- they just fit right in and complete our family so perfectly.
Gabriella was in the NICU for 14 days. She had low billirubin levels and was on the phototherapy lights for much of the time. She also had feeding issues- suck, swallow, breathe is a tough concept! She was discharged on July 19th.
Benjamin was in the NICU for 31 days; exactly 1 month. We were ABO bloodtype incompatible and his red count was low, so he needed more plateletts the day after birth. Breathing was very hard for him. He was on CPAP, but needed to be intubated and put on a ventilator. He was intubated for 11 days, came off for almost a day, but then was re-intubated for 6 more. Apparently premature white boys have the worst time when it comes to respiratory issues. In addition to preemie lungs, he had pneumonia, pulmonary hypertension, an open PDA valve, and a slight heart murmur (from open PDA). He was discharged on August 5th and came home with oxygen and an apnea monitor, which we still have.
On August 5th, Gabriella came with to the hospital to bring Benjamin home. We needed two cars because I had to sit in the backseat with Benjamin, and let's face it...in a four door car with two rear facing car seats, this girl could not sit in the middle of them (I'd like to meet the person that could, by the way). My dad, Benjamin, and I were in one car. My mom, Gabriella, and Jamie were in another car. Both babies had their beautiful newborn photos taken that day at the hospital. We were able to take Benjamin's oxygen off very briefly for the photos.
Friday, June 17, 2011
6 nights in lock up
Where do I begin?
I'm going to try my best to give the Cliff Notes version of my last week. I may go back and add details later, but a week's worth of life is hard to completely relive.
Rewind to last Thursday, June 9. At my nst and bpp, everything was going along fine, until they took my blood pressure. It was up pretty high. (might I add that it was elevated a bit at Monday's appt and at my md appt on Tues?) We waited a bit and rechecked. Still up. The MFM got a hold of my OB and decided I should go to the hospital to have labs done and be monitored. I cried. I went home to meet up with Jamie and grab jammies and a few things "just in case". I left it all in the car, though, as I didn't want to give them any ideas!
The babies continued to look great on the monitor, but my bp was climbing so they gave me a 100mg dose of Labetalol (I was currently taking 100mg in the morning and 100mg at night). They drew blood, and we waited. The labs came back normal. My bp wouldn't budge though. They told be I could get dressed and go home around 8:30pm, so I got dressed and waited. And waited. And when the resident came in she informed us that I was going to be given betamethosone (a 2 round steroid shot to help speed up the babies' lung development). The second shot would have to be given at the same time on Friday night. I sort of sheepishly said, "No problem, I'll come back for the second one tomorrow night," as I smiled at her. Oh, no, no. I was being admitted because of my blood pressure. They gave me yet another 100mg of Labetalol. Jamie called our families and then went to get food for me. I got the shot in my arm, and lemme tell ya- it hurt like hell. It was a 22 gauge intramuscular deal, and you'd think that a girl who underwent 2 ivfs and a total of 5 transfers would be an old pro with shots, but that wasn't quite the case. It hurt and it burned long after it was administered. But with the 'roids now in my system, perhaps we'll have some sort of SUPER BABIES! =)
So, I was admitted on Thursday night and didn't get discharged until Wednesday afternoon. I did a 24 hour urine collection to check for protein on Friday, which came back at 302. Below 300 is normal. 300-5,000 is abnormal. Above 5,000 is severe and dangerous. I repeated the collection on Sunday, and the protein went up to 336. They were looking for a trend to see how quickly it was accelerating. My ob wanted a repeat on Tuesday. When I got the results on Wednesday, that was one of the deciding factors that I could go home, it dropped to 305. I cried every single day I was there. I had a lot of incredible nurses and only one crappy one who I demanded not be assigned to me again. I got so many mixed signals from residents and doctors it made my head spin. They explained to us how very important it would be to keep my little ones inside until 32 weeks (which is this upcoming Tuesday). Many of the complications with preemies drop a great deal at this gestational age. One of my obs said on Sunday that he was hoping I could keep them in for 1 maybe 2 more weeks before we'd have to get them out. Now that my bp is under control (thanks to 900mg of Labetalol!!! 300mg, 3x a day) and my protein appears to be ok (at least for right now) and I I have no swelling or pain, maybe, just maybe I can carry my babies a little bit closer to term.
On Saturday, we had gotten a tour of the nicu and were pointed out babies at different gestationsl ages because "it can be a bit alarming". Seeing the nicu was very reassuring, but it made me pretty sad to thin how long my babies *could/ might* be in there. But I know that that would be the very best place for them if being inside of me was no longer an option. I get it. It was just overwhelming and difficult to swallow.
Ok, so for now I'm at home. I have my list of IF __________, THEN YOU COME BACK. IF _______, CALL YOUR OB. I check my bp every few hours and it has held steady and been pretty good. I realize that the medicine is just masking the problem and buying us some time, but that's ok. I was also told not to panic if I end up having to come back, even if it's just for a night or two. I started repacking my bag so this time I'll be ready, and not ahve to give Jamie lists every single day of what I need. We're even throwing stuff for him inthe bag, because I'm hoping that the next time we go, in like 2 or 3 or 4 more weeks!!!, it'll be to have babies.
I know that there is so much more I want to share about my experience, but a lot of it is a blur in the aftermath. If anything else meaningful pops into my head, I'll add it as a separate, add on post, otherwise, this is the gist of it.
For every one day I can keep my SnuggleBugs inside, it's about 3 days less that they'll need in the nicu. So, here I am at 31w3d and going strong, just taking it one day at a time. While 32 weeks is a big milestone and goal for us, I'm already so much better off today than I was at this time last Friday. Each day is it's own goal that I'm thankful for and a celebration!
I'm going to try my best to give the Cliff Notes version of my last week. I may go back and add details later, but a week's worth of life is hard to completely relive.
Rewind to last Thursday, June 9. At my nst and bpp, everything was going along fine, until they took my blood pressure. It was up pretty high. (might I add that it was elevated a bit at Monday's appt and at my md appt on Tues?) We waited a bit and rechecked. Still up. The MFM got a hold of my OB and decided I should go to the hospital to have labs done and be monitored. I cried. I went home to meet up with Jamie and grab jammies and a few things "just in case". I left it all in the car, though, as I didn't want to give them any ideas!
The babies continued to look great on the monitor, but my bp was climbing so they gave me a 100mg dose of Labetalol (I was currently taking 100mg in the morning and 100mg at night). They drew blood, and we waited. The labs came back normal. My bp wouldn't budge though. They told be I could get dressed and go home around 8:30pm, so I got dressed and waited. And waited. And when the resident came in she informed us that I was going to be given betamethosone (a 2 round steroid shot to help speed up the babies' lung development). The second shot would have to be given at the same time on Friday night. I sort of sheepishly said, "No problem, I'll come back for the second one tomorrow night," as I smiled at her. Oh, no, no. I was being admitted because of my blood pressure. They gave me yet another 100mg of Labetalol. Jamie called our families and then went to get food for me. I got the shot in my arm, and lemme tell ya- it hurt like hell. It was a 22 gauge intramuscular deal, and you'd think that a girl who underwent 2 ivfs and a total of 5 transfers would be an old pro with shots, but that wasn't quite the case. It hurt and it burned long after it was administered. But with the 'roids now in my system, perhaps we'll have some sort of SUPER BABIES! =)
So, I was admitted on Thursday night and didn't get discharged until Wednesday afternoon. I did a 24 hour urine collection to check for protein on Friday, which came back at 302. Below 300 is normal. 300-5,000 is abnormal. Above 5,000 is severe and dangerous. I repeated the collection on Sunday, and the protein went up to 336. They were looking for a trend to see how quickly it was accelerating. My ob wanted a repeat on Tuesday. When I got the results on Wednesday, that was one of the deciding factors that I could go home, it dropped to 305. I cried every single day I was there. I had a lot of incredible nurses and only one crappy one who I demanded not be assigned to me again. I got so many mixed signals from residents and doctors it made my head spin. They explained to us how very important it would be to keep my little ones inside until 32 weeks (which is this upcoming Tuesday). Many of the complications with preemies drop a great deal at this gestational age. One of my obs said on Sunday that he was hoping I could keep them in for 1 maybe 2 more weeks before we'd have to get them out. Now that my bp is under control (thanks to 900mg of Labetalol!!! 300mg, 3x a day) and my protein appears to be ok (at least for right now) and I I have no swelling or pain, maybe, just maybe I can carry my babies a little bit closer to term.
On Saturday, we had gotten a tour of the nicu and were pointed out babies at different gestationsl ages because "it can be a bit alarming". Seeing the nicu was very reassuring, but it made me pretty sad to thin how long my babies *could/ might* be in there. But I know that that would be the very best place for them if being inside of me was no longer an option. I get it. It was just overwhelming and difficult to swallow.
Ok, so for now I'm at home. I have my list of IF __________, THEN YOU COME BACK. IF _______, CALL YOUR OB. I check my bp every few hours and it has held steady and been pretty good. I realize that the medicine is just masking the problem and buying us some time, but that's ok. I was also told not to panic if I end up having to come back, even if it's just for a night or two. I started repacking my bag so this time I'll be ready, and not ahve to give Jamie lists every single day of what I need. We're even throwing stuff for him inthe bag, because I'm hoping that the next time we go, in like 2 or 3 or 4 more weeks!!!, it'll be to have babies.
I know that there is so much more I want to share about my experience, but a lot of it is a blur in the aftermath. If anything else meaningful pops into my head, I'll add it as a separate, add on post, otherwise, this is the gist of it.
For every one day I can keep my SnuggleBugs inside, it's about 3 days less that they'll need in the nicu. So, here I am at 31w3d and going strong, just taking it one day at a time. While 32 weeks is a big milestone and goal for us, I'm already so much better off today than I was at this time last Friday. Each day is it's own goal that I'm thankful for and a celebration!
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